Colorful Critters, PhotObamaShop, and That New Mac Smell

Happy Clint Howard's Birthday*!

Eventually, birthday/holiday acknowledgments will move to the sign-off...

While I thought I would have to apologize for the weakness of yesterday's post, many of you were quite taken with the mooo-ving story of bovine motherhood.  One reader thought it akin to Sophie's Choice, but was compelled to make her own choice of a cheeseburger for lunch.  Another suggested that she was perhaps going "Undercower," though I would have preferred "Uddercover Mother" or "World's Greatest Mooooo-m" as a pun-laden title.

I am going to be editing specific names out to keep blog posts more general...

Now, to business.  First off, the twice promised, now delivered Oddly Colored Animals!  The show, of course, starts with a critter from the coastal depths of New Hampshire, the elusive blue lobster.  Love that they thought it was a blue soda can... But it wasn't a blue soda can... It was a blue (soda can) lobster!  (Because who doesn't love a B-52s joke in the early morning?)  And how about that all black penguin?  Pretty snazzy.  You know what else is snazzy?  Because I feel bad about promising these odd animals twice, I'm going to throw in even more oddly colored animals!  Mostly because I think that all white peacock is awesome... Straight out of a coloring book!  Also, please resist the temptation to keep browsing around for cute critters on that site, as I have a feeling it will become a frequently visited place for the Report.

Next up, some Photoshop Fun with Barack Obama!  (Seriously, how much would you pay for a Photoshop tutorial with the President?!)  Baroque Obama is a classic, but my favorite on this page is the snowball toss in #15.  Mostly on account of it takes place outside of my favorite soup and sandwich restaurant in downtown Exeter, NH, "The Loaf and Ladle."  So much local interest today!  And, just like last Friday's edition (when we had a readership of only three!), the final item in the list features an unanticipated, inexplicable CORGI!

(Obama's Space-Corgi is now a fan-favorite Report Image.)

Finally, we'll close out the week with a story of an inexplicable odor found in my copy of the "Express" this morning.**  Seems that a group of artists in Australia have developed "Air Aroma," a new perfume that smells... wait for it... like a freshly opened Apple product.  No, not the fruit, the computer.  Seriously, bizarre.  And while someone on this list would no doubt make it his fragrance of choice, it is tragically not available for purchase.

*Clint, of course, being the brother of Ron "Opie/Richie Cunningham/Arrested Development Narrator" Howard.  AD fans will remember him as the lovable Johnny Bark, who taught us all why you never get out of the tree.
 
**The story was found in the "Express."  Not the odor.

Undercover Cow

Yesterday, as you recall, I promised some colorful creatures, including one from the great state of New Hampshire. Today, I'm afraid I must make the same promise. Those cute animals AND an unusual Australian forest will be in tomorrow's report.

Today's report only has one story, as it is being sent from a bus where I am currently standing just the right distance from a woman who warned me not to be too much closer, as the police are no longer responsible for monitoring her actions! The joys of public transportation! I had saved a draft containing all three of the stories intended for distribution today, but left to check another story on the phone, and (in spite of my efforts to save the draft) it vanished.

This will not be the last bus battle.

Luckily, I had mailed one of you a sneak preview of one of today's bits, and was able to salvage the link from there!

In keeping with the recurring theme of parent-child relationships (the GoogleMaps reunion and Caine's dad's role in the arcade), we present an amazing tale of parental love. The difference today, though, is that the parent is a cow!

http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/04/the-secret-lives-of-cows.html

The write-up is right to draw attention to the amazingly complex decision of the cow in question. A sneaky mom, indeed!

Ugly Birds and Unexplainable Dogs

Our readership continues to widen! How exciting! We may have to start including ads soon in order to cover the high cost of putting this out.


We hit a readership of six on day two.


Today's distribution is a return to form, leaving the human interests aside for a bit to cover what we all really care about: Cute animals doing silly things. 


I still believe this is why the Internet exists.  Later in the Report, readership opinions will divide over the desirability of cute animal content.

Let's ease into it, though, with an animal that is slightly less than cute and a story that, were it to involve humans, would find a home next to Monday's GoogleMaps story.  Poor Nelson the abandoned bird... Just because something's ugly doesn't mean you can abandon it, Mama bird and Papa bird!  If that was a common human practice, I would have grown up an only child!  (Related: Everyone welcome Sarah [my sister] as one of our newest readers!)  But it's not all bad news for Nelson, since it looks like he grows up to be quite a stud.  No doubt he'll soon be taking the crown at Mr. Parrot Pageants!  He's already practiced checking himself out in front of the mirror in anticipation.


In a similar blend of ugly and cute, following up on last week's much talked about unexplainable cats, we have their unexplainable canine companions.  Thankfully this is less terrifying than those unexplainable cats... But that really only speaks to how totally creepy those cats were.


Some commentary, I suppose:

#19. So cute. So tiny.

#32. What is going on he- OHMYGODNO WHAT IS #33?!?!

#36 looks so cozy.  But still quite pugly.  That is to say, something so ugly that it's freaking adorable.  (This is one of the earliest pieces of wordplay I ever had.  Sarah can back me up on that one.)

#46 is so effing cute.  I want one for the apartment.

And, of course, I hope #50 gets vacuumed before getting back inside...

Corgis will become a regular feature of the Report.

That's all for today!  Hope long-time followers appreciate the increased commentary and professional appearance of this new distribution format!  Remember, "longtime followers" refers to those receiving less formal emails.  And look how proud I was of remembering to use one tiny button on Gmail.  Small miracles.  Tune in tomorrow for some more interesting animals, including one from Seacoast New Hampshire!  (No, not Archer...)

This will not be the last time that I promise a certain type of content and then fail to deliver.

Game On!

This was the first Morning Report, building on a series of emails to just a small group...

I figured if these morning e-mails to save me from boredom are going to be locked into my schedule for good, they're going to need a name.  So Morning Report headlines, it is!

First up: Another human interest story.  I know, I know, two in a row... And this one includes a 9 minute video, so sort of useless for workplace browsing.  But it really is an incredibly heartwarming story, once again about the power of the interwebs.  We should all go to LA and check out Caine's Arcade!

http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/04/caines-arcade.html

Hadn't yet thought to integrate the links...

And to make up for the fact that I did two people-stories in a row (Apparently the last story of the non-Report emails was a human-interest piece)... Here are a bunch of animals playing video games:

http://www.animal-space.net/2012/03/geeky-animals-playing-video-games-18.html

And as an added bonus, here's a story about a penguin biting Newt Gingrich:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2012/04/17/newt-bit-by-penguin.html

Now I'm off to watch the shuttle!

This was the day the Space Shuttle did it's flyover of DC! Ran out onto the office roof to check it out.