Final Countdown Day 5 - Real Shoddy Narrating

The Great Experiment concludes!  This is the series finale of our 5 part Final Countdown to the Arrested Development Season 4 premale.

Whereas Day 3 of the Final Countdown focused on minor characters, our finale focuses on an actor who, while he only appears in one episode, is a vocal presence in every episode of the series.  Child star turned teen star turned successful film director and producer, Ron Howard holds the vocal reins of Arrested Development as the show's narrator. Whether he's correcting GOB or criticizing the narrator of Scandalmakers, Howard gets some of the show's best jokes. And some of these reference previous points of Howard's career.

In the Season 1 episode Public Relations, for example, Ron gets to make a crack about his time on The Andy Griffith Show. When Jessie the publicist pejoratively refers to George-Michael as Opie, Howard's narration warns that "she had best watch her mouth."  Howard, of course, started his career playing young Opie on The Andy Griffith Show. Andy Griffith earns another shout out when the Bluths try to hire him as a fake lawyer given his work on Matlock, but leaves suspecting the Bluths are making fun of him with their cabin-car. The narrator stresses "No one was making fun of Andy Griffith."

But his influence on the show extends far beyond his voice and jokes about his childhood stardom. Ron Howard plays the nepotism card. For starters, there's conservationist and tree-dweller Johnny Bark, played by Ron's own brother! But that's just a one episode part. For more significant parts, we turn to Howard's former Happy Days co-stars. Most prominently, there's Barry Zuckercorn, played by Henry Winkler, famous for the Happy Days character Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli.

Arrested's writers take advantage of the Fonz's fame plenty, too. Most obviously there is the moment he strikes his iconic "no-comb-required" pose in a bathroom mirror. Then another iconic Fonz moment gets recreated when the Bluths track down the shark that ate the flipper of the seal that ate the hand of Buster. After discussing the situation (that the seal itself was still missing), Barry jumps over the shark, referencing the most infamous scene in Happy Days history.

The final joke about the Fonz is actually delivered by a character who isn't Barry Zuckerkorn. In Season 3, the Bluths family replaces Barry with the law-blogging Bob Loblaw, played by Scott Baio. Baio originally came into stardom on... You guessed it, Happy Days, where he was brought in as the Fonz's cousin Charles "Chachi" Arcola in the show's fifth season (actually just two episodes before the Fonz jumped the shark). Chachi quickly earned positive reviews from young teenage girls, basically replacing the older Winkler as the show's young heartthrob. Loblaw references this when he tells the Bluths "Look, this is not the first time I've been brought in to replace Barry Zuckerkorn. I think I can do for you everything he did. Plus, skew younger. With juries and so forth."

In the end, Ron Howard does finally make an appearance... as Ron Howard!  The series finale features one final "On the Next Arrested Development," this time called "On the Epilogue of Arrested Development." Here, Ron Howard plays himself as a film executive hearing Maeby pitch the story of her family.  Howard's response has been talked about by fans for years:  "I don't see it as a series... Maybe a movie."

Those ten words have kept fans hoping for years that an Arrested Development film would be released.  And on May 26th the wait is over... Only unlike Ron Howard, we see it as a series.

Enjoy it!  It's Arrested Development.

"He was actually found in a hole near the house, but this inattention to detail was typical of the laziness the show's narrator was known for." - The Narrator, Arrested Development

Final Countdown Day 4 - The Most Lavish Party

Another entry in the Great Experiment, in which we release all of our Arrested Development reports at once, Netflix style!

Up to this point, we've refreshed our knowledge on running jokes and minor characters.  With that refresher course, you're just about ready to host your Arrested Development Season 4 Party.  The only thing left to plan is the party itself.

There's no shortage of sites right now that will give you all the party planning advice you need.  VH1 is in on the action with the most basic list.  "Booze, banners, balloons," to start things off almost sounds like a Schrutian reference to another recently concluded sitcom.  Their friendly reminder to have guests show up is also a nice way to revisit the one time in 53 episodes that you sort of feel bad for Lucille.  Boston.com has a pretty solid list that covers attire, food, and activities.  Buzzfeed even helps you out with making some of the less appealing Arrested food items a little more palatable, modifying the recipe for that Bluth family favorite, Hot Ham Water.  The Huffington Post also has great food suggestions, while Brightest Young Things riffs on the characters names instead of the show's menu.

To save you some time exploring all the different party suggestions, here's a rough outline of what to expect when I finally get around to holding mine.  (It's gonna be a re-viewing party a couple weeks after the premiere.  Mark your calendars, book your flights!)

COSTUMES

You'd better be wearing one.  I'm not asking you to blue yourself or find something that says "Dad loves leather," even the slightest costume will do.  Toss on some cut-offs and glasses and come as Tobias.  Tie some scarves together, clutch a knife in your teeth and you're a magician called GOB.  Put on your high-fastening pants and slide your hand up your sleeve, boom, you're Buster!  And finally, an excuse to whip out theSLUT t-shirt you've had tucked away in your closet all these years.  Just don't wear the elephant broach -- you don't want to invite the comparison.

DECOR

First of all, the banner is a must.  While "FAMILY LOVE MICHAEL" is nice, I'm partial to "You're killing me, Buster." Ambitious hosts can turn their stairs into a staircar and build a model home homefill warhead to put in the secret room.  Disguise your bathroom as the Aztec Tomb!  And be sure to clean the attic in case anyone goes up there to have pop-pop.

ACTIVITIES

Sure the highlight of the night will be 15 new episodes of Arrested Development, but you probably want to warm-up a bit.  Sandracing and marksmanship are good group activities, just be sure to have the proper awards.  A rousing game of "Pin the Eyebrow on Stan Sitwell" makes for good fun, too.  And if the urge to dance hits you, might I suggest the chicken dance?  Karaoke is always good family fun, too.

FOOD

Here's what's going to make or break your Arrested party.  You've got plenty to choose from, choose wisely!

• Candy Beans - Make sure you have an extra bowl, just in case something goes wrong with Sitwell's eyebrows.
• Frozen Bananas - Obviously.  But remember, 10 cents gets you nuts.  And watch out for Mr. Banana-grabber.
• Ice cream sandwiches - Go ahead, have a love affair with one!
• Hot Ham Water - Served watery, but with a smack of ham.
• Cornballs - For a danger-filled activity, invite guests to make their own cornballs.
• Fried cheese and other dippable food items... With club sauce.
• Skip's Scramble - Don't order the Skip's Scramble.
• Cereal - Serve in an ash tray.
• Mayon-egg - Step 1. Take a packet of mayonaise... It's so cute.

DRINK

Here are a few character-based beverages you can offer your guests.  Just be sure to finish all the bottles before the night ends so the booze doesn't go bad.  You're guests will leave tipsier than Lucille Austero!

• Tobias Is Queen Mary - 1 part (Cloudmir) vodka, 1 part blue curaçao, 2 parts cranberry juice, serve with sugar rim to imitate diamond cream. 
• Buster - Unlimited juice, great for the designated rivers and a guarantee that your party will be off the hook!
• The George-Michael - Skip the drinks and smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.
• The Lucille - A vodka rocks and a piece of toast.

On the Next Morning Report: We learn more about the one narrator who had the voice to keep them all together.

"Michael, you haven’t heard why I want it. To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday." - Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development

Final Countdown Day 3 - Them?

The Great Experiment continues!  Like Netflix, we're distributing all of our remaining Arrested Development Reports in one go!

While it's the "family who lost everything" that keeps Arrested Development moving forward with their quarrels, neuroses, and huge mistakes, some the greatest laughs of the series come from their interactions with the show's supporting characters.  Buzzfeed has put together a great rundown of their 30 Greatest Arrested Development Guest Stars which should refresh your memory about the show's many smaller characters, from Annyong to Zuckercorn and every letter in between.

The problem I have with this list, though, is that it pits one or two episode characters like Cindy Lightballoon against characters like Lucille Austero, who appear in nearly a quarter of the series.  So, I've taken to ranking my top five supporting characters based on how long they spend on the show, from small (1-3 episodes), medium (4-9 episodes), and large (10 or more episodes) arcs.

Small:

Honorable Mentions:  Edna W., Ms. Barely, and Nazhgalia

5.  Uncle Jack - Martin Short as a paralyzed man carried by his goon Dragon has the best single episode appearance in the series.  "Swoop me!" 

4.  Tony Wonder - This magician played by Ben Stiller could produce Hanukkah cookies and subway club coupons from his body and appear from nowhere (or a dumbwaiter) just at the word "Wonder."

3.  Cindy Lightballoon - Who but this great redwood of a whore, played by Jane Lynch, could have gotten Lucille to say "It looked like you were tweaking her nipples through a chainlink fence."

2.  Gene Parmesan - Though he's far from the best, whether he was a fireman or some idiot with balloons, he always got us again.  

1.  J. Walter Weatherman - Though only appearing in two episodes, the life lessons ("That's why you always leave a note") of this one armed man influence the whole series.  It's too bad they killed him when they left the door open with the air conditioner on.

Medium:

Honorable Mentions: Marta, Stan Sitwell

5.  Tie: Bob Loblaw and Wayne Jarvis - One is an alternative to double-talk and keeps a law blog.  The other was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had.  (He did not find their buffoonery amusing.)  These two attorneys give Barry Zuckerkorn a run for his money and keep the laughs coming.

4.  Wife of GOB - First you've got the biblical allusion and the double-joke that she was played by Will Arnett's then wife Amy Poehler.  Add to that her seal sales and love for pastel sweaters and Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution and you've got a woman any man would be lucky to marry in a series of escalating dares.

3.  Rita - Sure not everyone likes the For British Eyes Only arc, but what can I say, I'm crazy for the little dullard from Wee Britain.

2.  Maggie Lizer - In one arc blind (NOT!), in one arc pregnant (NOT!) Julia Louis-Dreyfus made a great prosecutor.

1.  Kitty Sanchez - Judy Greer does an Sure last time we saw her we thought it was "the last time," but I have a feeling we'll be saying goodbye to these ( . )( * ) again in Season 4.

Large:

Honorable Mentions: Annyong, John Beard (the news anchor)

5.  Lupe - For her holiday sweaters and her dustbustering, we'd give her an Onion and a ball of foil for her son any day.

4.  Steve Holt! - Sure he doesn't even know who his father is, but we love him just as much as Maeby does.  

3.  Ann Veal - Her?

2.  Lucille Austero - Her relationships with multiple Bluth boys (with club sauce) and her vertigo gave Liza Minelli plenty to play with in creating Lucille 2.

1.  Barry Zuckerkorn - He's the worst f*cking attorney, with a questionable social life, but his Fonz references and ability to recognize close-up photos of balls make him worth keeping around, even if he can't take the time to read plea bargains.

Hopefully we'll be seeing some of these characters returning in Season 4!

On the Next Morning Report: You can't have a party without ICE.

"And that's why you don't teach lessons to your son." - J. Walter Weatherman, Arrested Development

Final Countdown Day 2 - Hotcops and Candybeans

Heeeey, Readers,

While there was no Report yesterday, I'm going to try something out to make up for that fact.  In the spirit of Netflix releasing all 15 new episodes of Arrested Development at once on the 26th, I'm distributing all of the Final Countdown reports at the same time (or within a few minutes of each other... I'm not a machine).  Will you read them all at once or spread them out throughout the remaining days?  Or perhaps you will ignore them all!  Let the great experiment begin!

Not so much in the spirit of Arrested, though, I'm going to follow-up on what was promised "On the next Morning Report" by actually including the promised deeper analysis in this issue, something Mitch Hurwitz and the gang rarely did.  As any fan of the show can tell you, many of the jokes in Arrested are incredibly complex and referential, which is a major part of what makes repeat viewing so rewarding.  There is always something new to find.

First, there are the jokes that recur throughout the series.  The staircar and the Cornballer; Annyong, Steve Holt!, and Ann Veal (her?); Les Cousins Dangereux and Pop-Pop in the attic... The list goes on and on and stretches across the show's 53 episodes, making for some great re-viewing.  For instance, try to pick-up on how early hooks and missing hands start showing up!  Or have someone else do the work for you, like NPR has done here in an incredible guide to all of the show's recurring jokes.  While some are scattered throughout, others last only for a story arc (e.g., For British Eyes Only).  Most interesting of all, though, are the ones that appear as nearly straight lines across the entire series, specifically the staircar and Tobias being gay.  DC resident Adam Cole put the piece together for NPR and described his process and inspiration in an interview with Poynter.  He claims not to be a "superfan," but the infographic begs to differ.

Not included in Cole's graphic, though, are the subtle non-repeated jokes, most of which are nods to the world outside of the show.  Splitsider has captured not only 53 of these subtle jokes (that they claim you "Probably Missed," but I bet a lot of you have caught a lot of them -- you're smart people), but also 53 MORE of them!  I'm a huge fan of the stills they've captured of the articles, websites, and letters, which I've always been too lazy to pause and read myself.  And the "Make-up artist for freckles" credit has always been one of my favorites, as well as Tobias posing to match the photo of George-Michael.

There are tons of others that I love that didn't make the cut in those 106... Apparently the folks at Splitsider are not also Happy Days fans... But we'll get to that later.

On the Next Morning Report: Frightened Inmate #2 gets some company as other supporting characters take the lead.

"Annyong." - Annyong, Arrested Development

Final Countdown Day 1 - It's Arrested Development

Take a look at banner, readers!

The "T" looks like a staircar hop-on, the "I" is an idiot on a scooter (it's gotta be GOB), and the sun just blue itself.  Most of our readership will probably recognize these banner changes as signs that the Report is gearing up to countdown to the May 26 return of Arrested Development!

So apologies to the readers who haven't seen Arrested Development before, as the next few issues of the Report won't make much sense to you.  They'll be chock-full of references (Allusions! References are something a book makes for copyright purposes.) like that parenthetical.  So, while you could just ignore the Report this week, I would advise you to correct the huge mistake you've made by avoiding this show and find a way to watch it!

Over the course of this week, I'm going to use my (at least) five viewings of the series and the Internet to offer up a veritable Skip's Scramble of Arrested clips, quotes, trivia, links, and more, all leading up to the Season 4 premiere/finale (premale?) on Sunday.  Because with all 14 episodes going online at once, you're lying if you say you don't plan on watching them all in one go.

Today I'm just going to ease into things with some video compilations of classic moments from the show.  I don't want to prematurely shoot my wad!  (There are just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.)

First, Arrested Development's 200 Greatest Quotes according to... Whoever made this video.  No doubt they missed some of your favorites, and some of the punchlines are presented without set-ups or vice versa, but I'm sure you can fill in the blanks there.  My favorite made the cut, though.  What is it?  "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond."

Those 200 Quotes are already pretty heavily dominated by two characters, but here's some clips of two fan favorites:  First, the Bluth family matriarch, Lucille.  Captured here and not in the quotes are her amazing winks.  Then, of course, there's Tobias, known for the many lines in which he puts his foot in his mouth.  (Or maybe it's those meaty leading man parts he's putting in there...)  Once again, some physical humor that should not be overlooked is included, specifically the water cooler and Mrs. Featherbottom prat falls.  

That's all for today!  

On the Next Morning Report:  Evan offers up some deeper analysis of the shows jokes and references.

"And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together... It's Arrested Development." - Ron Howard, Arrested Development