Halloweek Day 2 - Costumeization

It looks like the Great Pumpkin is on his way!  He appears to be peeking up out of the patch today.  Could the Morning Report be the most faithful Pumpkin Patch???
Maybe he's looking to get a glimpse of all those adorable costumed animals that certainly provoked a lot of reader response yesterday.  The moose-dog and the geese were crowd favorites,  while one reader questioned the time it took to develop the revised banner.  Perhaps the Great Pumpkin will tell us if he rises...  Finally, yet another reader provided some pictures of a dog that sets the bar in the costumed canine world.  Trotter the French Bulldog brings a certain flair for sophistication to the outfits he is put in by food photographer Sonya Yu.  The samples on Colossal are great, but Yu's Instagram page has even more Trotter outfits scattered among her food photos.

So now you have ideas on how to dress your pets.  BUT: What if you don't have pets?  What then?  Today's Report is all about ideas for how to settle on the perfect costume for your Halloween.  To do this, we're going to break things down into four basic categories: Scary, Sexy, Pop-Culture, and Lazy.  Sure, there are others.  (The glut of over-priced mask and suit/dress costumes to turn four-year-olds into little superheroes and Disney princesses come to mind.)  But really, as far as the DIY costume is concerned, those are the basics.

SCARY:  I'm gonna go ahead and say avoid this.  Seriously.  I hate being scared by people.  I choose not to go on haunted hay rides and into haunted houses/prisons/woods for this reason.  Just this past weekend one of our readers and I were were up in New Hampshire and heard a woman discussing a haunted house where you could sign a waiver and the people inside you could "touch you and do whatever they wanted and stuff."  She said this with excitement in her voice.  This sounds AWFUL.  And I know that this won't happen by default of people in public dressing up as scary, but seriously, there are kids out there on Halloween.  Nobody wants to have to cross the street with a crying baby to stay away from the scary bleeding clown man.  Of course, there are some costumes that are not inherently scary, but make for terrifying things once they've aged a bit.

SEXY:  So if you're not gonna be scary, perhaps your Mean Girls mind leaped to the only other alternative offered in the film.  Toss on a pair of ears, some lingerie, and now you're a sexy [fill in the blank].  The sexy costume route used to be mildly acceptable.  I mean this "used to" in two senses.  First, the "sexy" costumes of the 1920s and 1930s are pretty tolerable.  ("Damn, man, did you see that chick's ankle?!")  But things evolved to become literally NSFW.  Therein lies the second "used to."  The sexy [noun] worked in college.  Hell, you could even get away with it in high school.  (Though, just as the presence of kids in the world means adults shouldn't dress scary, the presence of adults in the world means that kids shouldn't dress sexy.)  But now, those of us in the working world have a choice to make: We can become workplace legends by sexing it up at the office Halloween party OR we can keep our jobs.  I'm going with the latter.

POP-CULTURE:  In my mind, the winningest costume is something rooted in popular culture.  For people who recognize you, they'll think you're really freaking awesome.  And for people who don't know who you are, well, there's your opportunity to evangelize for one of your favorite movies/TV shows/books.  Either way, you're a walking conversation starter.  Given the Report's age distribution, most of the readership will find some ideas for awesome costumes rooted in childhood here.  Don't like that, then do something more contemporary.  (Can't go wrong by grabbing a pair of cutoffs and blueing yourself.  If you don't have blue paint, diamond dust will do in a pinch.)  The creative genius of Pixar is also a great place to find inspiration.  But no matter what you do, you're not going to beat little Carl Fredricksen, here.

LAZY:  "But Evan, I don't have time to do any of that!"  Fine.  Thing is, you don't really have to.  There are plenty of great costumes waiting for you in the detritus of your closet.  That bowling shirt you won at trivia?  Thrift store cowboy hat?  Tie-dye anything?  Yeah, you've got costumes galore.  (Not sure what wearing all three of those together would make you...)  Don't believe me?  Check out this slideshow for some lazy ideas.  (Sure they're for kids, but don't even pretend like you don't have some of those things at home.)

Or, you could reach the pinnacle of laziness and find a sheet and a pair of scissors.  Are those people boo-ing your laziness, or are they joining in with your haunting holiday spirit?

Just remember to be careful with the scissors, or you might end up with a rock.

Halloweek Day 1 - History and Hounds

After yet another little vacation (up to Boston to see The Mountain Goats, then NH to see the premiere of my new play, "To the Moon"), we're back and ready for some Halloween fun.  We're a week out from that favorite holiday of hooligans and candy companies, so I thought it would be appropriate to spend a few days of reporting covering the topics near and dear to the holiday.  And what's that in the banner?  Could it be?  The Great Pumpkin, rising out of the Pumpkin Patch?!  Stay tuned as we creep closer to Halloween and see what happens!
 
Before we get into costumes and candy and spooky stories, it's important we know what exactly it is we're dealing with here.  What is Halloween?  Where did it come from?  Lucky for us, the History Channel has put together a nice, dry history of the day (the videos are a bit more fun), tracing it back to the Celtic festival of Samhain.  If your mental cogs are working like mine this morning, you'll put the pieces together and know it's no coincidence that this holiday so associated with the color orange started off in Ireland... Gingers.  No wonder it's so scary.
 
But if the history of how Samhain became All Hallow's Eve became Trick or Treat is a bit too boring for you, check out this infographic.  Where do you fit in to these stats?  I know I'm not producing any pumpkins this year.  (Though I did know pumpkins are gourds.  But more on gourds later...)  I have contributed to the 35 million pounds of candy corn sold, and I used to be in the 30% of candy organizers back when I was among the 35 million in that prime Trick or Treating age.  I plan on being one of the 120 million dressing up, though I won't be doing it on the day itself (does that still count) and I will definitely be part of the 72% giving out candy.  As for the 24 pounds of candy I'm supposed to have eaten in the past year as an average American... No comment.
 
Now, what about these 11.5% of Americans who dress their pets for Halloween?  Of all the statistics presented in that graphic, that's the one I want evidence on.  Luckily, the Internet provides.  I'm assuming dogs are the most commonly dressed animal, and certainly the most frequently seen in costume.  Some place called Tompkins Square even has a parade for costumed pups.  I love the dog lobster, and I bet that dog, along with all the others whose costumes involved being carried or carted about, enjoyed himself the most.  Hipster dog and banana dog look like they have a tough time seeing, while Woof With the Wind and Evita (in the comments) probably qualify as mild animal abuse.  Favorite, though?  The moose dog.  Obviously.  But dogs aren't the only ones having fun.  Rats, cats, hedgehogs, and even a camel get in on the action.  (Sorry to report there is a lack of costumed fish.)  The cat in number 9 suggests why cats don't get dressed up much, while dogs continue to dominate the costume competition.  Though horse dog is terrifying, the dog dressed as Fluffy is one of the best costumes I've ever seen on human or animal.
 
And speaking of human costumes... We'll cover that in tomorrow's report.

But first a costume idea from this day in history:  Just wear a barrel and say you're going as Annie Edson Taylor.  She hopped in a barrel 111 years ago today and became the first to survive the trip over Niagara Falls in one.
 
Seven days until the Great Pumpkin!