No doubt this is the latest "Morning" Report transmission yet, but I
promised you candy for Hallow's Eve Eve, and a promise is a promise.
But before we begin with the tooth-rot, I wanted to drop a quick thank
you to all who responded to the reader-submission distributed
yesterday. I will be sending the submitter anonymous versions of this
feedback, in a few cases connecting people who have never met and have
no real connections save for this report. How neat!
There are so many ways to address the topic of Halloween Candy.
There's the decision of what candy to purchase, the matter of
distribution and trick or treater selection, the all-important
post-treating trade, and the consumption itself. Let's address them all
in order.
Buyer Beware
Let's start by getting something very
important out of the way: No apples. And while we're at it, no
raisins, either. Unless you're Chris Traeger.
We're talking candy here, the bigger the better. Seriously, if you're
an adult with some space in your budget, go King Size. Become Legend.
But if you're still not sure what to get, go for one of these top treats but avoid these ones.
And while Reese's holds the top spot, remember that peanut allergies
are on the rise. As a kid who trick-or-treated for years with a friend
who had a major peanut allergy, I strongly encourage setting aside some
peanut-free candies for any peanut-free kids who come to your door. The
worst thing that happens? You have left over candy.
Take One, Huh?
So you bought your candy, but you're not
gonna be there to hand it out. (Just because you're dressed as the dead
doesn't mean you are dead! You have a social life.) Obvious
solution: The classic "Please Take One" sign. Just know that this
method doesn't always work. And when it doesn't, things could get out of hand...
Tricky Treats
With the candy in the bowl by the door,
let's switch perspectives to that of the costumed scavengers roaming the
neighborhood. No doubt you disguised nomads know what you're after.
(And, again, it's not apples.) The Report has already addressed the
risk of getting rocks. But heed this sonnet well: There could be worse things lurking in the plastic pumpkin heads, waiting to be dumped out onto the living room floor for the next portion of the evening.
Sack and Pumpkinhead 500: Trading Floor
Perhaps the most
important part of the Halloween celebration is the great trade. No
doubt some of your investments were made in haste, or the house next
door was out of your candy of choice, or you've just got way too many
Kit-Kats. (Gimme a break, indeed!) Don't worry, after the selections
are made and the Sacks and Pumpkinheads are emptied, you've got the
trading floor to solve this problem. A classic case of take two Now and
Later trade for better. (Unless you actually got a Now and Later.
Good luck trading that away.) If you think the stock trade parallel is
too generous for the candy barter system, it's clear you haven't been on
the trading floor in a long time. It's serious business. This informational video
has a bit more fun with it, though does offer some good tips. Oh, and
if you got an apple... Seriously, just throw it out. (And skip that
house next year.)
TrEAT
Not much advice to give here. Go to town.
Seriously, pig out. You've only got so many days to eat all this before
people start saying, "Still eating Halloween candy," with arched
eyebrows. Better to get it all (into and) out of your system at once.
Just remember... There are a few wrong ways to eat a Reese's.
That's all I've got. If you take only one thing out of this Report, please let it be this: NO APPLES.
Tomorrow
we'll celebrate the day with some spooky tales and, more importantly,
we'll see if the Great Pumpkin has brought us anything good as the final
Halloweek Report banner is unveiled!
Til then, Happy Hallow's Eve Eve!
After a weekend away, it seems the rising pumpkin is is a great deal
further along in his approach, undeterred by Hurricane Sandy. Speaking
of Sandy, I hope all my northeast readers are safe and dry.
(Humorously, I attended a screening of National Theatre Live's "The
Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time," a brilliant stage
adaptation of Mark Haddon's novel, which included an enthusiastic moment
of naming a dog "Sandy.")
Originally, on the schedule of Halloweek reporting, today had called for a general discussion of pumpkins. Record-holders, chunkin, impressive jack o'lanterns,
that sort of thing. However, last week my dad alerted me to an
interesting news item that I find requires some reshuffling of reports.
It also requires that I fail to heed the advice of a great hero of
mine. That's right. Against Linus van Pelt's advice that one avoid
discussions of "religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin," it's time to
talk Pumpkin.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Great Pumpkin, he is a holiday figure created by Charles M. Schulz in the comic strip Peanuts. Every year, according to Linus,
the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that it deems the most
sincere to bring presents to those who are there. The character,
though never seen in the comics, was introduced in 1959, but gained
wider fame when Schulz and Bill Melendez followed-up the success of "A
Charlie Brown Christmas" with the now-Halloween-classic, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."
Having long been a Peanuts fan, and Linus being my favorite
character, it should come as no surprise that I am a huge fan of the
special, I watch it every year. However, not everyone likes it. Some
people, I learned last week, are fundamentally opposed to it. My dad
sent me a link last week to local news coverage of a man who believes this special, now nearly fifty years old, should be retired from the air.
His argument centers on the idea that the name-calling and blatant,
unpunished bullying in the film is too much for today's young viewers.
Perhaps it is because I am not raising young viewers of my own, as
that blogger is, but I believe his critique fails to appreciate certain
nuances of the special and Peanuts in general. Yes, Charlie Brown is
called a "blockhead," and other names. His round head is used as a
template for designing a pumpkin carving. Each anonymous adult famously
gives him a rock
as he trick or treats in his multi-holed ghost costume. And the
blogger is correct, none of these instances is ever "punished." No one
ends up in time-out, no one gets in trouble, nothing. But the avoidance
of explicit punishment is not the same as condoning this behavior!
The blogger calls Charlie Brown "the hero," but this paints him with too broad a brush. Charlie Brown is the protagonist
and, in all his insecurities, doubts, and shortcomings, the character
that we, as people who often face the same things, are meant to identify
with. This means that when Charlie Brown gets a rock, or gets drawn
on, or gets called blockhead, we chuckle, but we also empathize. The
knowledge that the bullying we see is wrong comes from putting ourselves
in Charlie Brown's shoes; seeing the world from under his multi-holed
ghost costume. And maybe that's something that younger viewers aren't
able to do, but that's why this nearly fifty year old program is
celebrated as a family tradition. Parents should watch it with
their children, and, if they feel further discussion is necessary, talk
to them about what's going on. Though we may have similar anxieties,
we don't live in Charlie Brown's world, so parents don't need to worry;
kids will hear more than just "Waaah Waaah Waaah" when they talk.
I could go on to discuss the merits of the Job-like suffering of
Linus that comes from his faith and devotion to the Great Pumpkin, or
note that Snoopy escapes his imagined World War I experience
unscathed, a great feature of the adventures of the imagination. But
that one sentence nod is all I'll give as a note to the multiple levels
of appreciation this special brings. It is a true family
special, one that can be enjoyed and discussed by all ages. And that
has always been the appeal of the Peanuts world. In a universe
populated entirely by children, the issues faced, conclusions reached,
and jokes made are often applicable to adults, too.
I'd be curious to hear what readers think of this. Am I simply
defending something I love and turning a blind eye to its problems? Do
you agree with me, or do you think that it's time for the Peanuts gang
to retire? Do you believe in the Great Pumpkin? Will you be watching
the special on Halloween at 8:00 on ABC?
Tomorrow, on All Hallow's Eve Eve, assuming I don't lose power,
we'll discuss what nearly every elementary schooler in the nation would
agree is the best part of the holiday: Taking candy from strangers.
It looks like the Great Pumpkin is on his way! He appears to be peeking
up out of the patch today. Could the Morning Report be the most
faithful Pumpkin Patch???
Maybe he's looking to get a glimpse of all those adorable costumed
animals that certainly provoked a lot of reader response yesterday. The
moose-dog and the geese were crowd favorites, while one reader
questioned the time it took to develop the revised banner. Perhaps the
Great Pumpkin will tell us if he rises... Finally, yet another reader
provided some pictures of a dog that sets the bar in the costumed canine
world. Trotter the French Bulldog brings
a certain flair for sophistication to the outfits he is put in by food
photographer Sonya Yu. The samples on Colossal are great, but Yu's Instagram page has even more Trotter outfits scattered among her food photos.
So now you have ideas on how to dress your pets. BUT: What if you
don't have pets? What then? Today's Report is all about ideas for how
to settle on the perfect costume for your Halloween. To do this, we're
going to break things down into four basic categories: Scary, Sexy,
Pop-Culture, and Lazy. Sure, there are others. (The glut of
over-priced mask and suit/dress costumes to turn four-year-olds into
little superheroes and Disney princesses come to mind.) But really, as
far as the DIY costume is concerned, those are the basics.
SCARY: I'm gonna go ahead and say avoid this. Seriously. I
hate being scared by people. I choose not to go on haunted hay rides
and into haunted houses/prisons/woods for this reason. Just this past
weekend one of our readers and I were were up in New Hampshire and heard
a woman discussing a haunted house where you could sign a waiver and
the people inside you could "touch you and do whatever they wanted and
stuff." She said this with excitement in her voice. This sounds
AWFUL. And I know that this won't happen by default of people in public
dressing up as scary, but seriously, there are kids out there on
Halloween. Nobody wants to have to cross the street with a crying baby
to stay away from the scary bleeding clown man. Of course, there are
some costumes that are not inherently scary, but make for terrifying things once they've aged a bit.
SEXY: So if you're not gonna be scary, perhaps your Mean Girls mind
leaped to the only other alternative offered in the film. Toss on a
pair of ears, some lingerie, and now you're a sexy [fill in the blank].
The sexy costume route used to be mildly acceptable. I mean this "used
to" in two senses. First, the "sexy" costumes of the 1920s and 1930s
are pretty tolerable.
("Damn, man, did you see that chick's ankle?!") But things evolved to
become literally NSFW. Therein lies the second "used to." The sexy
[noun] worked in college. Hell, you could even get away with it in high
school. (Though, just as the presence of kids in the world means
adults shouldn't dress scary, the presence of adults in the world means
that kids shouldn't dress sexy.) But now, those of us in the working
world have a choice to make: We can become workplace legends by sexing
it up at the office Halloween party OR we can keep our jobs. I'm going
with the latter.
POP-CULTURE: In my mind, the winningest costume is something
rooted in popular culture. For people who recognize you, they'll think
you're really freaking awesome. And for people who don't know who you
are, well, there's your opportunity to evangelize for one of your
favorite movies/TV shows/books. Either way, you're a walking
conversation starter. Given the Report's age distribution, most of the
readership will find some ideas for awesome costumes rooted in childhood here.
Don't like that, then do something more contemporary. (Can't go wrong
by grabbing a pair of cutoffs and blueing yourself. If you don't have
blue paint, diamond dust will do in a pinch.) The creative genius of Pixar is also a great place to find inspiration. But no matter what you do, you're not going to beat little Carl Fredricksen, here.
LAZY: "But Evan, I don't have time to do any of that!"
Fine. Thing is, you don't really have to. There are plenty of great
costumes waiting for you in the detritus of your closet. That bowling
shirt you won at trivia? Thrift store cowboy hat? Tie-dye anything?
Yeah, you've got costumes galore. (Not sure what wearing all three of
those together would make you...) Don't believe me? Check out this slideshow for some lazy ideas. (Sure they're for kids, but don't even pretend like you don't have some of those things at home.)
Or, you could reach the pinnacle of laziness and find a sheet and a pair of scissors. Are those people boo-ing your laziness, or are they joining in with your haunting holiday spirit?
Just remember to be careful with the scissors, or you might end up with a rock.
After yet another little vacation (up to Boston to see The Mountain Goats, then NH to see the premiere of my new play, "To the Moon"),
we're back and ready for some Halloween fun. We're a week out from
that favorite holiday of hooligans and candy companies, so I thought it
would be appropriate to spend a few days of reporting covering the
topics near and dear to the holiday. And what's that in the banner?
Could it be? The Great Pumpkin, rising out of the Pumpkin Patch?! Stay
tuned as we creep closer to Halloween and see what happens!
Before we get into costumes and candy and spooky stories, it's
important we know what exactly it is we're dealing with here. What is Halloween? Where did it come from? Lucky for us, the History Channel has put together a nice, dry history of the day
(the videos are a bit more fun), tracing it back to the Celtic festival
of Samhain. If your mental cogs are working like mine this morning,
you'll put the pieces together and know it's no coincidence that this
holiday so associated with the color orange started off in Ireland...
Gingers. No wonder it's so scary.
But if the history of how Samhain became All Hallow's Eve became Trick or Treat is a bit too boring for you, check out this infographic.
Where do you fit in to these stats? I know I'm not producing any
pumpkins this year. (Though I did know pumpkins are gourds. But more
on gourds later...) I have contributed to the 35 million pounds
of candy corn sold, and I used to be in the 30% of candy organizers back
when I was among the 35 million in that prime Trick or Treating age. I
plan on being one of the 120 million dressing up, though I won't be
doing it on the day itself (does that still count) and I will definitely
be part of the 72% giving out candy. As for the 24 pounds of candy I'm
supposed to have eaten in the past year as an average American... No
comment.
Now, what about these 11.5% of Americans who dress their pets for
Halloween? Of all the statistics presented in that graphic, that's the
one I want evidence on. Luckily, the Internet provides. I'm assuming
dogs are the most commonly dressed animal, and certainly the most
frequently seen in costume. Some place called Tompkins Square even has a
parade for costumed pups.
I love the dog lobster, and I bet that dog, along with all the others
whose costumes involved being carried or carted about, enjoyed himself
the most. Hipster dog and banana dog look like they have a tough time
seeing, while Woof With the Wind and Evita (in the comments) probably
qualify as mild animal abuse. Favorite, though? The moose dog.
Obviously. But dogs aren't the only ones having fun. Rats, cats, hedgehogs, and even a camel
get in on the action. (Sorry to report there is a lack of costumed
fish.) The cat in number 9 suggests why cats don't get dressed up much,
while dogs continue to dominate the costume competition. Though horse
dog is terrifying, the dog dressed as Fluffy is one of the best costumes
I've ever seen on human or animal.
And speaking of human costumes... We'll cover that in tomorrow's report.
But first a costume idea from this day in history: Just wear a barrel and say you're going as Annie Edson Taylor. She hopped in a barrel 111 years ago today and became the first to survive the trip over Niagara Falls in one.
Seven days until the Great Pumpkin!
Time travel is in vogue right now. The subject ebbs and flows in
pop-culture, but right now the Venn Diagram of popular and nerdy sits
with time travel comfortably nestled in the middle. Consider the recent
and rapid rise in popularity of the BBC's Doctor Who
in American TV culture. Sure America is a few years late in joining
the party with the space and time hopping time lord and his companions,
but Netflix and the growing geekery have seen fit to go so far as to put
Matt Smith's bowtied mug on the cover of Entertainment Weekly!
And on the big screen, Rian Johnson's time-travel action film Looper
is scoring positive reviews and continuing Joseph Gordon-Levitt's year
of success. Now, I don't want to say too much, because I don't want to
give anything away. I went into the movie knowing only the vaguest
premise, having forced myself only to see the teaser trailer,
and enjoyed it much more having avoided spoilers. Basically: JGL
works for the mob, whacking targets sent back in time from a future
where time travel exists. This already works for a compelling premise,
but the real kicker comes in when JGL's future self is sent back for
execution. And the real kick-ass comes in when JGL's future self is
Bruce Willis. Seriously. It's awesome. But don't look it up. Just go
see it. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday. Whenever.
Looper's release has prompted a flurry of sites cataloging
time-travel rules, time-travel movie moments, and top time-travel
stories. But: So many of these sites contain subtle Looper spoilers, so
I don't want to link to them. (Sorry, Wall Street Journal's "Four
Rules of Time-Travel," you get no love from me.) Thankfully, a few
pages exist sans-Looper, so we'll include those. (Other movies will be
spoiled. But they're old. After five years, no forgiveness needs to be
granted for spoilers. And beyond fifty years, things that are
"spoilers" should enter common knowledge.*)
Discovery put together a
nice tidy list of Top 22 Time Travel Movies with vague descriptions and background information. Better, albeit more spoilery, though, is TotalFilm's list of the 50 Greatest Time Travel Movie Moments.
Some of them are questionable. (Did George Bailey really time
travel?) Some are surprising. (Love that Muppet Christmas Carol made
the cut!) One is... Dali.
And, for all the Back to the Future references, one is mysteriously
absent. It's like the list makers said, "Roads? Where we're going we
don't need to mention the fact that where they're going they don't need roads!" It's your list, TotalFilm! Something has got to be done about your list!
That's all for today. Be sure to thank the management... It's Boss's Day!
Following a brief vacation and a week of intense and focused panel work,
the Report returns. (Though as one reader rightfully pointed out,
"Report" is a generous term for something with such scheduling
irregularity. But it's too late to rename it now!) Hopefully we'll be
back to regularly scheduled programming for a while now, especially
given the promise of Halloween report tricks and treats...
And speaking of treats, have you been to Google today, dear
readers? The doodle team has really outdone themselves this time,
creating a brilliant tribute to celebrated cartoonist Winsor McCay
Of course, I don't expect Mr. McCay's name comes up in conversation
often. Today is likely the first time a lot of people have even heard
of him, as his Wikipedia page and YouTube videos get soaring hits thanks
to Google. But it doesn't take much digging to find that Google has
just about perfectly captured the style and substance of McCay's most
famous creation, "Little Nemo In Slumberland."
Little Nemo, first published 107 years ago today, was a weekly comic strip printed in the New York Herald for six years and the New York American
for three. Where comic strip today carries the connotation of a three
or four panel quick set-up and punchline, McCay's weekly strip existed
on a much grander scale. In 10 to 15 colorful panels, the pajama-clad
Nemo would continue on his dream-quest to meet the Princess, daughter of
King Morpheus. Each strip would begin with Nemo going to bed, and his
bed would often serve as a means of conveyance in the dream world. Inevitably, each strip would end in the same manner, with Nemo being woken up and falling out of bed, often at an inopportune, cliff-hanger moment.
The brilliant colors, sprawling panels, walking bed, and total
whimsy are all captured in the Google doodle, but Google is not the
first to animate Nemo. McCay himself created an animated version of his character in 1911,
inspired to animation by one of his children's flipbooks. The
adaptation that I know, the one that introduced me to Little Nemo in the
first place, was the 1992 film Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland, with a screenplay helmed by Christopher Columbus, now famous for directing the first two Harry Potter films.
Hopefully Google's doodle will inspire the webworld to seek out McCay's original work, available in a complete collection on Amazon.
(Though it's apparently out of print and mega-expensive now. I say now
because I own a copy that I snagged for like twenty bucks in a discount
bin at a Barnes and Noble a while back.) Even more hopefully, this will
trigger the interest of comics artists to create Sunday strips that
capture the imagination like McCay's did.
Non-comic strip fans have reason to celebrate the day, as they can kick it up a notch to wish a happy birthday to Emeril Lagasse. Bam!
After this weekend, autumn is officially upon us (it began on Saturday),
so prepare for lots of Fall-related Reports. Decorative Gourd's are
already popping-up in grocery stores, so it can only be a matter of
time...
But first, a disgruntled and impatient reader sent me an e-mail earlier this morning alerting me that today is National Punctuation Day.
This reader had some choice uses for punctuation marks, which I won't
repeat here for the sake of decency. But (and I'm sure this won't be
good for keeping his ego at a reasonable level) he has influenced the
Report for the day. I am, after all, a Technical Editor by trade. My
missing Punctuation Day would be like an elf not celebrating Christmas.
To celebrate this glorious grammarian day, here are some useful and
comical pointers on punctuation use. First up, some classics from The
Oatmeal on "How To Use an Apostrophe" and "How To Use a Semicolon."
The grammar lessons of middle school would have been so much more
interesting with these examples. These, of course, are two mysterious
pieces of punctuation that are often the subject of question,
self-doubt, and second guessing. Another piece of punctuation, used in
the last sentence, is a subject of much debate: The Oxford Comma (also known as the serial comma).
The Oxford Comma, most famous for its title role in a Vampire Weekend song,
is a contentious piece of punctuation. In fact, the first question of
my interview for my current position asked how I felt about the Oxford
Comma. If it is unclear by my consistent use of it in the Report, I'm
for it, just as the sandwich club is for frilly toothpicks.
Others are opposed. The New York Times, for instance, doesn't use
them. Some argue that maintaining use of the Oxford Comma is simply
being a slave to historic grammatical convention, just like the
type-writer imposed two spaces after a period that is not relevant in a
computer-font world. This, as NPR's blogger Linda Holmes observes, is not the case. As you can see from this comic,
the Oxford Comma is fundamentally important in reducing ambiguity.
Please embrace it. Or respond with a compelling argument for the
opposition.
Along with celebrating the Oxford Comma and other pieces of
punctuation, there are numerous options for birthday celebrations of
note. Readers could...
Peace, love, and Oxford Commas
