No doubt this is the latest "Morning" Report transmission yet, but I promised you candy for Hallow's Eve Eve, and a promise is a promise. But before we begin with the tooth-rot, I wanted to drop a quick thank you to all who responded to the reader-submission distributed yesterday. I will be sending the submitter anonymous versions of this feedback, in a few cases connecting people who have never met and have no real connections save for this report. How neat!
There are so many ways to address the topic of Halloween Candy. There's the decision of what candy to purchase, the matter of distribution and trick or treater selection, the all-important post-treating trade, and the consumption itself. Let's address them all in order.
Buyer Beware
Let's start by getting something very important out of the way: No apples. And while we're at it, no raisins, either. Unless you're Chris Traeger. We're talking candy here, the bigger the better. Seriously, if you're an adult with some space in your budget, go King Size. Become Legend. But if you're still not sure what to get, go for one of these top treats but avoid these ones. And while Reese's holds the top spot, remember that peanut allergies are on the rise. As a kid who trick-or-treated for years with a friend who had a major peanut allergy, I strongly encourage setting aside some peanut-free candies for any peanut-free kids who come to your door. The worst thing that happens? You have left over candy.
Take One, Huh?
So you bought your candy, but you're not gonna be there to hand it out. (Just because you're dressed as the dead doesn't mean you are dead! You have a social life.) Obvious solution: The classic "Please Take One" sign. Just know that this method doesn't always work. And when it doesn't, things could get out of hand...
Tricky Treats
With the candy in the bowl by the door, let's switch perspectives to that of the costumed scavengers roaming the neighborhood. No doubt you disguised nomads know what you're after. (And, again, it's not apples.) The Report has already addressed the risk of getting rocks. But heed this sonnet well: There could be worse things lurking in the plastic pumpkin heads, waiting to be dumped out onto the living room floor for the next portion of the evening.
Sack and Pumpkinhead 500: Trading Floor
Perhaps the most important part of the Halloween celebration is the great trade. No doubt some of your investments were made in haste, or the house next door was out of your candy of choice, or you've just got way too many Kit-Kats. (Gimme a break, indeed!) Don't worry, after the selections are made and the Sacks and Pumpkinheads are emptied, you've got the trading floor to solve this problem. A classic case of take two Now and Later trade for better. (Unless you actually got a Now and Later. Good luck trading that away.) If you think the stock trade parallel is too generous for the candy barter system, it's clear you haven't been on the trading floor in a long time. It's serious business. This informational video has a bit more fun with it, though does offer some good tips. Oh, and if you got an apple... Seriously, just throw it out. (And skip that house next year.)
TrEAT
Not much advice to give here. Go to town. Seriously, pig out. You've only got so many days to eat all this before people start saying, "Still eating Halloween candy," with arched eyebrows. Better to get it all (into and) out of your system at once. Just remember... There are a few wrong ways to eat a Reese's.
That's all I've got. If you take only one thing out of this Report, please let it be this: NO APPLES.
Tomorrow we'll celebrate the day with some spooky tales and, more importantly, we'll see if the Great Pumpkin has brought us anything good as the final Halloweek Report banner is unveiled!
Til then, Happy Hallow's Eve Eve!
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