A Giraffe and a Half-Life

I hope everyone survived the heatwave this weekend!  (But I do so with the selfish hope of keeping our readership up over fifty.)  Those of you wrapping up 4th of July vacations or celebrating birthdays (!!!), I hope you had a great time.  While I was not on vacation at the end of last week, the Report was due to some work busy-ness.  This leaves some reporting to be done on major events last week.

Specifically, the big ticket news item that everyone's talking about and no one really totally understands... The Higgs Boson!  I still don't totally get all the ramifications, though I think I'm in the good company of... Everyone.  I am pleased that one of the positive results was that CERN did not create a blackhole that destroyed us all.  Though as one item featured in this list of memes points out, our problems with the collider may be far from over, given the apparent employment of Half-Life's Gordon Freeman.  I love the joke circulating about the Higgs Boson walking into the church... Though I'm sure God has something to say about it.

A more relaxing and adorable story to pair with the hard science above, a stuffed giraffe went on a lovely vacation recently... And was left behind by his owner, leading to his own Toy Story-esque adventure.  But rather than rely on his own cunning to return to his owner, Joshie the Giraffe had help from Ritz Carlton, but not before his own extended vacation.  This has to be the most heartwarming story in recent Report history; it reminds me of the elementary-school days of having a class stuffed animal that came home with a student for the weekend for an adventure and an accompanying journal entry.  Thanks to Tamara for the tip-off on this great piece of customer service.

If you're going to sing happy birthday today, be sure to get someone to accompany you on a giant piano; It's Tom Hanks' birthday.  Someone get the man a volleyball...  So long as they also plan on getting tissues for everyone else.
Happy Argentinian Independence Day!