India Ink

Another late day for the Report... I'm afraid I accidentally slept in a bit today and spent quite a bit of the morning feeling like this little guy.  But now I've got a stomach full of terrible work coffee and my eyes are open, at least for a little while.  Great responses to yesterday's soda debate (sodebate?), as Mr. Mueth offered another map and some perspective from "an odd island of soda in a sea of pop."  Tamara, meanwhile, found more examples of Rhode Island-ese, in her attempt to translate PSDS:  "We saw BSNDS at the zoo in Franklin Park. We bought it at CS and Roebuck's. Mother always said, "Don't forget to wash behind your ES." The Boos and GS got to Mantle. PS are a juicy fruit. Crying causes TS. This car VS to the left."

While yesterday we discussed words that divide from within a culture, today, we're discussing words that cross from one language and culture to another.  The BBC has a great article on the Hobson-Jobson dictionary, which catalogs words the English language has borrowed from India.  The origin of "dam(n)" is particularly interesting, but what really surprised me was how many commonplace words have Indian roots.  Of course, words like yoga, jodhpur, sari, and guru come from India, but so many of the words (pyjamas, cot, shampoo, atoll, bandana, etc.) are ones that I've always assumed have long been English, not adopted.  The repetition-based words are also fun to say out loud.  Though you'll probably look silly mumbling "higgledy-piggledy" to yourself at work.
 
And as long as we're looking at items involving Britain interfacing with the world, check out the video that the BBC is using as their Olympics titles.  (NOTE: The link auto-plays a video, so be ready for sound right when you click here.)  The video is a brilliant concept, featuring the Olympics just completely taking over England, from the city to the country.  (Surely better than the Opening Ceremonies where the English countryside takes over the Olympics... Including live animals!)  And even beyond the phenomenal integration of sport to site, the transitions between events and locations is also great.  I'm particularly taken with the diver-to-rower transition.
 
Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow... Because it will be Friday!  But as you think about that, find some time to think about today, too, and about the 69th birthday of Christine McVie, the Fleetwood Mac member who wrote "Don't Stop," "You Make Lovin' Fun" and other hit songs for the greatest album of all time, Rumours.
 
It'll soon be here!

The Pale King of Pop

Things are underway a bit late here at the Report, but it's allowed us to gather some great material for you today, continuing a debate that I inadvertently spurred yesterday with my flippant comment on Sodapop.  (No, not the Outsider. The drink he's holding.)  Yes, having taken linguistics classes, I should have acknowledged that there are regional differences in the words people use for things.  In New England, things are "wicked cool."  In Rhode Island, a lot of women (and some men) have "PSDS".  People in the midwest pack things into "baygs."  In the non-existent, imaginary region that my Dad's voice is from, people drink "melk."  But few words create more regional tension than those that define.
 
Courtesy of Andrew Sullivan over at the Dish, I have found an objective investigation of the soda-pop-coke phenomenon.  Interesting method of data accumulation.  I was particularly taken with the filtering to ensure only soft drink related posts were tagged, then avoid talking of "Coke" as a brandname... Though interesting he doesn't acknowledge filtering out alternative uses of Coke... Interesting that soda is such a coastal term... How did it pass over the middle of the nation without touching down?  And seriously, what cutesy fantasy world is it where "fizzy drink" is a common expression?  Oh, New Zealand?  Okay.  That makes sense.  Freaking Hobbits.
 
The second major story today is an interesting article on the largest piece of literary intrigue in the past year.  No, Dan Brown didn't release a new book.  (If he did, chances are someone's secret child is part of some organization's plot for world domination.)  I'm referring to the Pulitzer Prize Board's decision not to award a prize for literature in 2012, in spite of what I understand were three pretty outstanding nominees.  Well, Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours and Specimen Days, and one of the three jurors for this year's decision has come out with a "letter" explaining the process.  Really, though, his piece is much more than that, as it offers a thoughtful reflection on the general awarding of prizes to works of literature.  
My favorite quote from the piece, though, is on generational subjectivity:

"What seem fatal flaws to one generation strike the next as displays of artistic courage. Who cares that Henry James went on sometimes at questionable length because he was being paid by the word? Who cares, for that matter, that Marconi merely invented radio transmission when his actual goal was to pick up the voices of the dead?"

One generation's failure can be another generation's American Top 40 with Casey Kasem!  (Screw you, Seacrest.)

And to prevent things from getting too intellectual here at the Report, here are two cute things:  First, a sweet parody of a song that's been making the Internet rounds, featuring a friend who taught many of us one of our first C-words.  (Get your mind out of the gutter, readers!)  Second, a sour encounter with a healthier snack.

You could call him Aaron Burr by the way he's dropping Hamiltons... And today, he did drop Hamilton.  It's the 208th anniversary of that famous duel.  The Wikipedia piece is an interesting read.  It appears Ham shot first.  (Though George Lucas routinely tampers with the Wiki to edit the past.)

Soda Pop-Culture

Strong support yesterday for the adorable story of Joshie, as well as for the scientific method of reporting on the Higgs Boson.  Higgs also inspired last night's (tragically non-winning) trivia team name: "Are You There, God Particle, It's Me, Margaret."  Because, y'know... The Higgs Boson wants to hear all about the Mag's Pre-Teen Problems.
 
Today we move from science to soda.  (Which, in the world of secret recipes and carbonation, is a type of science.)  John Nese shares his obsession with soda (or "pop" or "Coke" to those of you who are wrong/from other regions) in this thirteen minute interview.  Admittedly it's a bit long, but for those of you who work through it, you'll find some interesting trivia and rewarding comments.  Nese getting all worked up about energy drinks is good stuff, but what's really fun is watching his enthusiasm build as he explores his own shelves.  A kid in a candy store has seldom seemed a more appropriate parallel than here with this man in his soda shop.  As one of the few Moxie fans that I know, I was thrilled to learn that it is the only soda name found in the dictionary.  And coffee soda?! What-the-what?!
 
To pair with the refreshing bubbles of soda-pop, we've got a couple of video-game related items.  First, some video games that have been re-created as traditional Japanese art.  Not gonna lie, some of these games are dramatically improved by this art shift.  A Samurai Starfox would have been great, though I'm also a fan of the Wes Anderson take on that world of barrel-rolls.  Pokemon's apparent move to some seedy underbelly of the gambling world exposes the danger and corruption involved in what is essentially dog-fighting (just with more varied breeds).  And following Mario Kart: Double-Dash, I'm surprised Nintendo didn't try to tap transportation nostalgia and draft "Mario Kart: Rickshaw Racers."  Speaking of Mario, here's an excellent map detailing the Mario World of Nesteros.  An entertaining link for Game of Thrones fans, and one which has me searching for "Who-Plays-Who" parallels between the fantasy series and the games.  All I've got is a Peach-esque Daenerys searching all over for three Yoshis that she somehow managed to lose.

JAY! JAY! JAY!  It's Sophia Vergara's birthday and that's got me hungry... Hungry for more Hunger Gaaaaaaaames!

[One reader hoped this Report's title referred to Rob Lowe's classic performance as Sodapop Curtis in The Outsiders.  This led to my proposal of a new weekly report on Rob Lowe's activities, called "The Rob Lowedown."  I also proposed a cute toy / street gang mash-up of My Little Ponyboy.  Neither of these projects materialized.]

A Giraffe and a Half-Life

I hope everyone survived the heatwave this weekend!  (But I do so with the selfish hope of keeping our readership up over fifty.)  Those of you wrapping up 4th of July vacations or celebrating birthdays (!!!), I hope you had a great time.  While I was not on vacation at the end of last week, the Report was due to some work busy-ness.  This leaves some reporting to be done on major events last week.

Specifically, the big ticket news item that everyone's talking about and no one really totally understands... The Higgs Boson!  I still don't totally get all the ramifications, though I think I'm in the good company of... Everyone.  I am pleased that one of the positive results was that CERN did not create a blackhole that destroyed us all.  Though as one item featured in this list of memes points out, our problems with the collider may be far from over, given the apparent employment of Half-Life's Gordon Freeman.  I love the joke circulating about the Higgs Boson walking into the church... Though I'm sure God has something to say about it.

A more relaxing and adorable story to pair with the hard science above, a stuffed giraffe went on a lovely vacation recently... And was left behind by his owner, leading to his own Toy Story-esque adventure.  But rather than rely on his own cunning to return to his owner, Joshie the Giraffe had help from Ritz Carlton, but not before his own extended vacation.  This has to be the most heartwarming story in recent Report history; it reminds me of the elementary-school days of having a class stuffed animal that came home with a student for the weekend for an adventure and an accompanying journal entry.  Thanks to Tamara for the tip-off on this great piece of customer service.

If you're going to sing happy birthday today, be sure to get someone to accompany you on a giant piano; It's Tom Hanks' birthday.  Someone get the man a volleyball...  So long as they also plan on getting tissues for everyone else.
Happy Argentinian Independence Day!

Robocup or Cone?

After a busy Monday (culminating in an exciting, first-ever Breadsoda Trivia victory for "Anderson Cooper Is My Individual Man-Date"), the Report returns!  And with the epic Cats and Dogs battle concluded, the world presses on as usual.  Even I, dear readers, found myself engaging in a brief bit of dog-sitting this weekend, following the monster Friday night storm.

If Cats versus Dogs was the battle of the week, then Italy versus Spain was the battle of the weekend, with Spain prevailing in the Eurocup.  A near typo just created "Eurocop," no doubt an unauthorized European Robocop spin-off, and an accidental segue into the story I was introducing here anyway... The RoboCup!  That's right, the 15th annual (how am I only learning of this now?!) robot soccer championship happened recently in Mexico City.  While the robotics are no doubt impressive (watch as a felled-robot rights himself!) the gameplay is a bit slow.  Mr. Gershenson's goal of a robot team competing against the human world champions in 2050 seems a bit distant at this point... I mean, for starters, look how small those robot players are.  They would get crushed!

Perhaps some of our storm-addled readers were unable to watch the Eurocup, though.  (These readers would also have trouble charging their Robot soccer team up for a game.)  Much of DC is still struggling through the rising heat and power outage.  To those looking for ways to beat the heat, I'm suggesting ice cream.  First of all, this past Sunday, July 1, was apparently "National Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day."  So how about it, readers?  Let's explore the worlds beyond vanilla.  What's your favorite creative ice cream flavor?  In light of a Peanuts character round giving us a commanding lead in last night's trivia, I'm inclined to put my support for the Lago's original flavor, "Charlie Brownie," a golden vanilla ice cream with a fudge stripe, chocolate covered peanuts, and homemade brownies.  Though Lago's "Jaws" is delicious, too, with the chocolate graham cracker goldfish and that suggestive red-raspberry swirl...  (But now I'm just bragging about creating ice cream flavors...)  Just don't eat the sweet treats too fast, or you'll get a brain freeze!

No shame in jumping on the couch today... At least you're not on national television.  It's Tom Cruise's birthday!  Go Crazy!

Cats Versus Dogs: The Epic Conclusion

Yesterday, a great subject of newsroom speculation came to an end.  (Or two opposite ends? Of the many possibilities.)  The speculation over, the debate rages on... And in spite of promises to keep the Report apolitical, I think all our readership is intelligent enough to find the argument that moving to Canada to get away from this crazy socialized medicine completely hilarious.  But it seems that even those debating healthcare know of the debate that has been raging here at the Report, as the Affordable Care Cat was upheld, as well.

Well, rest at ease, dear readers, I've spent the day doing my research to come to the bottom of the great Cats Versus Dogs debate, and the conclusion may surprise you.  A refresher, if necessary:  I am of the opinion that dogs are loyal to the end while cats lure us in withcuteness only to lash out.  Admittedly, this ignores some instances of pretty malicious dog behavior.  (Mailman biting, smelling bad when wet, and that thing where they rub their butt on the carpet leap to mind.)  Further research has led me to find that the two engage in apparently equal destruction of human property. The evidence presented here suggests that both creatures are forces to be reckoned with...

And yet we blind ourselves to the Feline Menace and the Attack of the Canines.  They infiltrate our homes, our hearts, even our Hollywood!  As yesterday's Report on tearjerker dog stories indicated, this cultural invasion may be part of an attempt to manipulate us emotionally, to win us over.  And win us over they have.  Don't believe me?  Listen to Jimmy Stewart read the poem at the end and tell me you don't get emotional.  (If you tell me this, I won't believe you.  Within view of a framed photo of the Dais of my life, I was crying.)

But what does this all mean?  Infiltration through our cultural mediums, ultimately leading to destruction of the home?  And not just by cats.  And not just by dogs.  But by an apparently united front of cats AND dogs?  What are we to make of this?

Perhaps, dear readers, you have seen this conclusion coming.  Perhaps you read ahead a little (by accident).  Or saw the links on the sidebar and realized my chain of thought.  Or picked up on a thread of sci-fi language running through the conclusion to this three day Report Event.  Or perhaps you have known all along.  (Search your feelings. You know it to be true.)  Internet exploring has revealed... We may not know the creatures we know and love as well as we once thought, because... They are ALIENS.  Yes, the evidence is here, photo documentation of cats and dogs (and a few other so-called "animals") returning to their own planets.  That's right, the battle of Cats VS Dogs is actually not unlike the battle of Alien VS Predator.  Whoever wins... We lose.

There it is, dear readers, the shocking conclusion to the Cats Versus Dogs Morning Report Trilogy.  (Don't worry, I won't ruin it all with a prequel trilogy...)  So... What are we to do with these aliens among us, now that we, brave group of 50 readers (!!!) know the truth?  We must not let them know.  Already, Google's computer may have led them to think we know too much, and with our numbers so few and our front not yet united, we would be ruined if they attempt to conquer us now.  No, dear readers, we proceed as normal.  I will continue the Report, and it will continue to include links to cute animals.  But know now that these doses of cuteness to appease our alien overlords (because, be honest with yourself, in your relationship with your pet, which of you is the owner?) also serve as reminders of the threats that walk around us on four legs.

Pet them, hug them, take them for walks, watch them on YouTube, but know that one fine day with a woof and a purr... they will rise up.  And it is up to us, not as cat people or dog people, but simply as people, to be ready when that day comes.

Two legs good.  Four legs (super adorable and fuzzy, but also potentially) bad.

Spoiler Alert: The Dog Dies

Perhaps more contentious than any political report has ever been, the Cats Vs Dogs debate rages on among the readership.  Eric informed me that the dogs are on the defensive, in an effort known as Dog Fort.  Armed with overwhelming cuteness, they defend against the feline uprising.  Johan, meanwhile, suggests that resistance against the feline menace is futile.  They will, no doubt, disarm us with acuddle-puddle of kitten-cuteness and then attack.  

We'll continue with a dog story today, as Andrew Sullivan guided me to an essay examining the human emotional reaction to that moment in nearly every movie that features a dog when (Spoiler Alert) the dog dies.  Wilson offers an excellent look at why Where the Red Fern Grows is impossible to read aloud because the words get blocked by sobs, why we panic when Shadow is stuck in the train tracks during his Incredible Journey, and why we don't even want to talk about Marley and Me, please, no, stop, I can't even think about it even though I knew it would happen.  I think the analysis here is spot on with regards to the guilt angle, but I think he gets the empathy part of his analysis wrong.  I don't know that we empathize with the dead/dying dog, as Wilson suggests, but with those in the work who have a relationship with the dog.  It is Billy we empathize with when Old Dan and Annie die, and our heart breaks with Peter's when Shadow isn't there with Chance and Sassy.  Similarly it is Travis, not Yeller, whose shoes we put ourselves in.  Yes, we are there with Yeller in the end, but through the eyes of Travis; we don't take the bullet, we pull the trigger, but only because we have to. "He's my dog, I'll do it," Travis says, but we are there with him, just as we have been the whole time, to say, "He's our dog, we'll do it."

This complex combination of guilt and empathy makes "The Dog Dies" one of the most effective clichés in the movie world.  Of course, other clichés aren't nearly as emotionally effective.  Some of them, as this article points out, are just plain silly.  Rimstidt's observations are wonderfully entertaining, from calculating the infrequent correctness of the stopped clock to another thing (if not another thing, then one thing).  He's also got me wondering, what if in my attempt to eat my cake, too, I drop it in the driven snow?  Does the five second rule still apply?  Or is that a stupid question?...

Wax on, wax off, don't sweep the leg, but do feel guilty that you can't think of any role he played other than Mr. Miyagi; the late Pat Morita would have turned 80 today.