Bowling for Super

Following yesterday's 30 Rock series finale (which heavily featured The Rural Juror among other fan favorite jokes, leaving me extremely pleased), TV viewers across the country are now preparing for another finale: The Super Bowl.  And what a finale it will be!  West Coast vs East Coast!  Red vs Purple!  Prospector vs Poe-bird! 

Okay, yeah, I admit I don't really know much about the teams going into the battle.  Or even their respective cities.  I know that San Francisco's Humphry Slocombe has some of the best ice cream flavors I've ever had.  And the beer at the Brewer's Art in Baltimore is phenomenal.  But beyond that, my knowledge and allegiances to either team are virtually nil. 

For me, it's like watching a late episode of a CSI-type drama I've never seen before.  Having seen many episodes of CSI-type dramas before, I know how things work and can follow along.  I know the rules of game, the terms, how things are going to play out.  I can figure out who plays what role after a few minutes of watching.  But you know that part of a crime procedural series that ties things together across episodes?  A few minutes scattered throughout each episode showing how these two don't get along, these two have sexual tension, this one is battling alcoholism, this one is a bit of a loose cannon, and it turns out the killer was put up to it by a villain whose been manipulating things behind the scenes all season?  Yeah, I don't get any of that.  So all the sideline stories, the stats and odds, the player names and backgrounds?  I'm at a loss there.  That's the episode to episode glue that holds things together, and while there's sure to be a lot of it, I'm hoping I can get a "Previously, on Football" recap before hand to give me a sense of it all.  But even still, I'll be able to follow the game.

But at least I'll be on the same page as everyone else prior to the Super Bowl, when I tune in to see all the new faces of the Puppy Bowl!  And what incredibly adorable new faces they are.  Now, I'm not entirely sure how winners are selected, or if winners are selected, or if it's more of a suburban rec-soccer league "Everyone's a winner" attitude, but looking through this roster of puppies, I've picked a few favorites.  This crop of contestants seems pretty heavy in the "A" names, and right off the bat there are some absolutely adorable pups -- Althea and Aurora, specifically.  Blitz looks a bit spastic, Fitz looks terrified, and Masquerade is rocking the John Cusack heterochromiathing.  Shadow and Tuck are holding their own toward the end of the alphabet... But after reviewing all of them, my money is on Eli, the German shepherd / pit bull mix to take it all.  That's assuming he gets support from the hedgehog cheerleaders, and a good amount of rest during the kitten halftime show.

Enjoy the Bowls this weekend.  For those with a vested interest in the game, may the odds be ever in your favor.  For those who are just there for the snacks... May the wings be ever in your flavor.

Art on Ice

As northeast heats up (a high of 70 in DC is hardly Januweather), the Report is cooling down with a few ice related pieces.

First up: ice cream, specifically ice cream trucks.  Photographer Luke Stephenson captured photos of these old ice cream trucks before they get scrapped for no longer meeting EU regulations.  Classic and a little bit creepy, these trucks embody a few fundamental elements of the ice cream truck.  First, the knock-off handpainted copyright infringing presentations of cartoon characters.  I spy Tom, Jerry, Goofy, Pluto, two Donalds, three Poohs, a Pinocchio, and a faded Snow White.  Then there's the ice cream cone strapped to the front, the flavors featured on the side of the truck, and at least one odd instance of the claim that these pre-wrapped popsicles and ice cream bars with bubblegum eyes are "Freshly Made For You."  Sorry, "Ice Man," I highly doubt you made that Two-Ball Screwball yourself.  (Also, that is the name of a treat we sell to children, and no one in marketing was like "Hold up, guys...")

Next up, I know some of our readers are excited at the return of hockey season.  Grantland has compiled a look at the most customized piece of hockey equipment: the goalie mask.  I pick Richard Bachman's Stephen King referencing Shining mask as my favorite, especially as it is cleverly named KSAM REDRUM.  Pekka Rinne's voodoo mask is pretty frightening, too.  And for its sheer simplicity of design, I second the writer's statement: "I just really likeBen Scrivens's Toronto Maple Leafs mask. That is all."

And as long as we're talking hockey, let me take another hack at your productivity today, and remind you that two weeks ago, Google put out this gem of an interactive Doodle, allowing readers to fulfill the universal dream of anyone who has ever attended a hockey game: to be the Zamboni driver.

The only thing we have to report is the Report itself.  And that it is the 131st anniversary of the birth of FDR.

Thanks Be to St. Isidore of Seville

Look at that, with Halloween past and the Great Pumpkin returned to... wherever it is he goes (I like to picture a Holiday Inn with the Easter Bunny, Santa, and friends) the banner is back to normal.  Following all sorts of positive feedback about the banner editing fun, you can expect some special edition banners in the future.  Perhaps as early as next Tuesday...
Hope you all had a happy Halloween with more treats than tricks and whatnot.  I practiced what I spent a week preaching, giving out full size candy bars, watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, and closing off the night by reading The Fifty Year Sword.  But now the holiday is over and where are we now?  November!  Why, only just next month it will be December!  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
 
November 1, as you might remember from the history of Halloween links, is All Saints' Day.  Of course we're celebrating ALL Saints, but I want to give a particular report shout-out to St. Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet.  I'm assuming he was named thus for his effort in his lifetime to compile a summa of all universal knowledge.  Though perhaps he was secretly known for a vast collection of cat icons... What a strange concept, though, to be named patron saint of something he never got to use.  He's not the only strange saint out there, though... It' s a pity praying to Saint Polycarp of Smyrna wasn't an option on The Oregon Trail.
 
November also kicks off two big month-long events.  First, there's "No-Shave-November," which has (I believe recently) also become known as "Movember,"  though the latter is more specific to hair-growth above the upper lip.  Movember is actually a really awesome event raising money for prostate and testicular cancer initiatives through pledges.  I would certainly encourage anyone who doesn't need to maintain a sense of professionalism in their workplace to consider participating.  What've you got to lose?  And besides, it could set you off on the path to being a CHAMPION!  At the very least, let me know and I will tell the readership that some of you are participating.  And those that aren't can still share their favorite beards...
 
The other big event is a bit less passive in nature.  November is also recognized as National Novel Writing Month, or "NaNoWriMo" for clumsy/short.  Over the course of one month, participants work to draft a copy of a 50,000 word novel by meeting daily wordcount goals.  It is a bold endeavor, and one in which I will not be participating.  I do know that one (maybe two) current readers have participated in the past, though, and perhaps some of you are considering going for it this year.  If so, here are some helpful tips.  I'm particularly keen on the negative and positive reinforcement motivators in 2011's #24 and 2012's #20.  Those who don't plan on writing a novel (most of us, I'm sure) and even those who don't particularly care for reading novels (I encourage you to try one...) can certainly get behind the tip in 2011's #25.  I would certainly love to raise a glass with Chandler, Fitzgerald, or James Gould Cozzens right now... And I'd certainly try what Tennessee Williams is having at least once.  Now that I've boarded this train of thought... Five hours til Happy Hour!
 
Chew on a Popsicle today, it's Toni Collette's birthday!

Robocup or Cone?

After a busy Monday (culminating in an exciting, first-ever Breadsoda Trivia victory for "Anderson Cooper Is My Individual Man-Date"), the Report returns!  And with the epic Cats and Dogs battle concluded, the world presses on as usual.  Even I, dear readers, found myself engaging in a brief bit of dog-sitting this weekend, following the monster Friday night storm.

If Cats versus Dogs was the battle of the week, then Italy versus Spain was the battle of the weekend, with Spain prevailing in the Eurocup.  A near typo just created "Eurocop," no doubt an unauthorized European Robocop spin-off, and an accidental segue into the story I was introducing here anyway... The RoboCup!  That's right, the 15th annual (how am I only learning of this now?!) robot soccer championship happened recently in Mexico City.  While the robotics are no doubt impressive (watch as a felled-robot rights himself!) the gameplay is a bit slow.  Mr. Gershenson's goal of a robot team competing against the human world champions in 2050 seems a bit distant at this point... I mean, for starters, look how small those robot players are.  They would get crushed!

Perhaps some of our storm-addled readers were unable to watch the Eurocup, though.  (These readers would also have trouble charging their Robot soccer team up for a game.)  Much of DC is still struggling through the rising heat and power outage.  To those looking for ways to beat the heat, I'm suggesting ice cream.  First of all, this past Sunday, July 1, was apparently "National Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day."  So how about it, readers?  Let's explore the worlds beyond vanilla.  What's your favorite creative ice cream flavor?  In light of a Peanuts character round giving us a commanding lead in last night's trivia, I'm inclined to put my support for the Lago's original flavor, "Charlie Brownie," a golden vanilla ice cream with a fudge stripe, chocolate covered peanuts, and homemade brownies.  Though Lago's "Jaws" is delicious, too, with the chocolate graham cracker goldfish and that suggestive red-raspberry swirl...  (But now I'm just bragging about creating ice cream flavors...)  Just don't eat the sweet treats too fast, or you'll get a brain freeze!

No shame in jumping on the couch today... At least you're not on national television.  It's Tom Cruise's birthday!  Go Crazy!

Ice Cream, Veggies, and -- SQUIRREL!

 Some great responses to yesterday's report.  Lots of fans of monkeys, though I agree with one submitter that large monkeys are sometimes a bit disconcertingly *too* human.  Another boasted about being lucky enough to avoid following the 10 Commandments of Meetings by simply avoiding meetings altogether.  And yet another noted some potential for an exciting level in Walden, wherein the player takes part in the "war between two races of ants, the red always pitted against the black," that Thoreau describes in Chapter 12.  I wonder, though... Would you play as one ant engaged in battle, or would you command an ant army?

So now, dear readers, what rewards do you get for reaching the end of the week?  How about some ice cream?  Seriously!  Chicken and Waffles ice cream!  How crazy is that?  And here I was thinking I was all big and creative two years ago when I candied a bunch of bacon, tossed it in fudge ice cream, and called it "Pig Pen."  These guys blow me away.  Of course, I get it, that's not for everyone.  Vegetarians, for starters... But as I'm drafting this before bed, I've no doubt that I'll have ice cream dreams tonight.  Though hopefully not as vivid as this kid's...  (Does anyone else find it weird that there are SO many links to other videos of kids in similar sleep-versus-treat dilemmas?  Though I admit at least two of our readers have access to a photo of a young reporter with his face in a bowl full of breakfast... And if either of those readers provide them, they will be included in a future report.)

As for the aforementioned vegetarians, perhaps you should have a word with this blogger.  These reviews of vegetables, while undeniably hilarious and mildly NSFW (in the event that your boss doesn't like F-Bombs emblazoned across your computer screen) suggest that the blogger eats nothing but meat and potatoes.  (See the "About" page for the exoneration of potatoes.)   If this veggie-hating blogger was a zoo animal, I bet we'd see this sort of behavior.  Except for the manatee one.  Manatees are all about the veg.  Sea cows.

If animals are going to come that close to me, I want them to be a little more docile.  Something smaller.  Something like... The animals that have come far too close to me for the past four years.  Aww, squirrels.  Love those guys.  So many of them hanging out in the snow!  So many of them with little snow flakes on their little noses!  And I'm loving the leg-lift on the kitten-kiss.

And with that, I leave you for the weekend; I'm off to New York!  But I'll spend a little of today in Yoknapatawpha County, celebrating the 60th anniversary of the publication of William Faulkner's Go Down, Moses, one of my personal favorites!