Thanks for Reading

Not a whole slew of links and commentary today, much as I want to share and reflect on a bunch of side dish recipes (brussels sprouts have never looked so good), the first Thanksgiving (Venison, drunk kids, dancing? Sounds standard to me...), and the history of turkey pardoning (Rest In Peace, Peace).  Instead, just an appropriately timed message of thanks.
 
When the Report started over seven months ago, it was a different animal.  It had three readers, the links were just copied and pasted into the text, there was no banner at all, let alone the celebratory holiday pie in the sky we've got today.  On the 29th Report, I thought there were 30, and a banner and blog were born to celebrate.  A week later the first custom banner came.  And this whole time, the distribution list was climbing.
 
This project has been and continues to be an absolute joy for me.  Sure, I have no way of knowing how many people open the e-mail, read it, or click the links.  I only get some idea based on responses in real life and in e-mails.  But still, just the idea of any readership at all makes it worth it.  Everyday tons of people explore the web.  But not everybody gets to share their explorations with great people like you all.
 
So, if you've read this far into this message, I'm assuming you're a regular reader, and I want to thank you.  Thank you for clicking the links.  For putting up with the puns and inane reflection.  For listening to me go on about the things that I care about.  For responding to the things that you care about and opening my eyes to new things.
 
And if you aren't reading this... Thanks for keeping the illusion alive by staying on the distribution list.

But to all of you, whether this gets read vigilantly or filtered to spam, I think there are four ladies who can put it best... Thank you for being a friend.
 
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.  (An admittedly selfish gesture, as I am family for some of you.)

Host(ess) With the Most

Before certain events of last week, I already knew this was going to be a week of food-centric reporting.  We are, after all, coming up upon the most food-centric holiday of the year.  (Sure we try to cover our gluttony with a few remarks about American historical legends and saying what we are thankful for, but in reality the day is built around a bird and a slew of side dishes.)  Today's post is all about food, but hopefully not a food item that ever graced your Thanksgiving table.
 
At the end of last week, Hostess Brands filed for bankruptcy, seeking permission to close its business and sell its assets.  This announcement came with the news that "Bakery operations have been suspended at all plants," suggesting that never again will another Twinkie, Ho-Ho, or Ding-Dong be made.  As one who has never eaten any of these products, I'm not alarmed by this, but the Internet is in something of an uproar.  People are supermarket sweeping these things off the shelves, stockpiling them as if the zombie apocalypse was nigh.  Twinkies, of course, would be an obvious choice for the zombie apocalypse (as noted by the characters of Zombieland) as urban legend suggests they have an infinite shelf life.  Even Wall-E cleverly followed this assertion, pairing the golden sponge cake treat with another great survivor of note, the cockroach.  While they may survive a zombie apocalypse or the pollution-based destruction of the planet, it seems there is one disaster these treats cannot survive: the current economy.
 
I'm not about to rush off to Safeway or ebay to buy some Twinkies before they join this list of foods of yesteryear.  (Oh the fond memories of wondering wondering ooh, I did, I did, what's in a Wonderball; hunting for the granny while eating delicious waffle crisp, and trying to figure out what in the world was in Orbitz.  Not to mention the lack of memories associated with the battery-acid flavored mind-eraser that was Four Loko.)  That said, as I do with most of these discontinued products, I do miss the advertising.  Hostess really had some great ads, and while I am too young to really remember Twinkie the Kid, I did love the "Where's the cream filling?" series of ads, from the bear to the shark to the rhino.
 
Alas, with the financial collapse of Hostess (confound healthier diets!), the question those animals ask now seems to mock us.  "Where's the cream filling?"  Though perhaps no longer in our pantries or our stomachs, the cream filling lives on in our memories and our hearts.  No seriously, though, a little bit of that cream filling is probably resting in the arteries of anyone who ever consumed one of those things, so it's definitely in our hearts.

Make sure you have room in your schedule for some walking and talking today, it's Allison Janey's birthday.  (If walking and talking isn't your thing, go fly a kite.)

Google In Slumberland

Following a brief vacation and a week of intense and focused panel work, the Report returns.  (Though as one reader rightfully pointed out, "Report" is a generous term for something with such scheduling irregularity.  But it's too late to rename it now!)  Hopefully we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming for a while now, especially given the promise of Halloween report tricks and treats...
 
And speaking of treats, have you been to Google today, dear readers?  The doodle team has really outdone themselves this time, creating a brilliant tribute to celebrated cartoonist Winsor McCay  Of course, I don't expect Mr. McCay's name comes up in conversation often.  Today is likely the first time a lot of people have even heard of him, as his Wikipedia page and YouTube videos get soaring hits thanks to Google.  But it doesn't take much digging to find that Google has just about perfectly captured the style and substance of McCay's most famous creation, "Little Nemo In Slumberland."
 
Little Nemo, first published 107 years ago today, was a weekly comic strip printed in the New York Herald for six years and the New York American for three.  Where comic strip today carries the connotation of a three or four panel quick set-up and punchline, McCay's weekly strip existed on a much grander scale.  In 10 to 15 colorful panels, the pajama-clad Nemo would continue on his dream-quest to meet the Princess, daughter of King Morpheus.  Each strip would begin with Nemo going to bed, and his bed would often serve as a means of conveyance in the dream world.  Inevitably, each strip would end in the same manner, with Nemo being woken up and falling out of bed, often at an inopportune, cliff-hanger moment.
 
The brilliant colors, sprawling panels, walking bed, and total whimsy are all captured in the Google doodle, but Google is not the first to animate Nemo.  McCay himself created an animated version of his character in 1911, inspired to animation by one of his children's flipbooks.  The adaptation that I know, the one that introduced me to Little Nemo in the first place, was the 1992 film Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland, with a screenplay helmed by Christopher Columbus, now famous for directing the first two Harry Potter films.
 
Hopefully Google's doodle will inspire the webworld to seek out McCay's original work, available in a complete collection on Amazon. (Though it's apparently out of print and mega-expensive now. I say now because I own a copy that I snagged for like twenty bucks in a discount bin at a Barnes and Noble a while back.)  Even more hopefully, this will trigger the interest of comics artists to create Sunday strips that capture the imagination like McCay's did.
 
Non-comic strip fans have reason to celebrate the day, as they can kick it up a notch to wish a happy birthday to Emeril Lagasse.  Bam!

Noises Off

Before we start today's reporting, many thanks for the positive feedback on Monday's Oreo piece.  I feel encouraged to try more long form reflection on important issues in future reports, just as one reader felt compelled to bake some DIY Oreos.  My mother, meanwhile, brought to my attention another piece of timely Oreo news: The man who invented the modern Oreo filling that we know and love, Sam J. Porcello, died at the end of last month.  (No, he wasn't over 100.  The frosting gluing the cookies together got a new recipe during Porcello's 34 years at Nabisco.)

Today, though, we transition from food to sounds.  (A transition that would deeply upset my uncle, who I suspect is mildly misophonic.)  First, toss on some headphones and head over to the Museum of Endangered Sounds.  Brendan Chilcutt has constructed a living record of dying noises, from that iconic Nokia ringtone to the beeps of a hungry Tamagotchi.  Some, I think, are more endangered than others.  Pacman and Tetris, for example, have a great deal more longevity than ye olde printer and floppy disk.  (Added bonus: Fans of Gerbils can go exploring on the Museum's page to find some contemporary cuteness to jumpstart their day.)

While these sounds may spark nostalgia for some of our older readers and "What the hell noise is that?" from some of our younger readers, NPR reports on the science behind another type of sound: the scary noise.  The increasingly frantic cellos of Jaws; the slashing strings of Psycho; the low music that you wish that stupid bimbo could hear, because then she'd know not to open that door, not that she should need the music cue, what's she doing wandering around alone, anyway, everyone knows Ghostface is on the loose... All of these scores that scare are similar to... the sound of shrieking baby marmots?  Really?  An interesting observation, though, as the article notes, the use of nonlinear noises is something composers seem to have picked up on their own, without animal study.  Sorry to anyone hoping for video footage of John Williams wandering around the wilderness snatching up marmots.

And, finally, one more noise for the day, this one less dated or frightening.  Here are 32 Pictures That Will Make You Say 'Awwwww.'  And some inevitable commentary... Are pitbull puppy purses something sold in stores, or was that custom made?  That baby bear tree is amazing, but how did a dozen (by my count) baby bears get up there together?  Maybe the pandas of 17 helped them.  Can't decide if the otter kiss is cuter than the owl one.  And is the giraffe's long neck forcing perspective, or does that baby have a huge head?  And is that bear cub punching his teddy bear friend in the head?  Cutest of the bunch, though? My vote is for the puppy who is ready for his walk.  Though the fox pair is a close second.  Aww, indeed, bonus, possibly stoned puppy, aww indeed.

If you find yourself up on the rooftop doing some home improvement, try not to fall, even if you do so with style.  (That's right, it's Tim Allen's birthday!)

To Infinity, and Beyond!

Ice Cream, Veggies, and -- SQUIRREL!

 Some great responses to yesterday's report.  Lots of fans of monkeys, though I agree with one submitter that large monkeys are sometimes a bit disconcertingly *too* human.  Another boasted about being lucky enough to avoid following the 10 Commandments of Meetings by simply avoiding meetings altogether.  And yet another noted some potential for an exciting level in Walden, wherein the player takes part in the "war between two races of ants, the red always pitted against the black," that Thoreau describes in Chapter 12.  I wonder, though... Would you play as one ant engaged in battle, or would you command an ant army?

So now, dear readers, what rewards do you get for reaching the end of the week?  How about some ice cream?  Seriously!  Chicken and Waffles ice cream!  How crazy is that?  And here I was thinking I was all big and creative two years ago when I candied a bunch of bacon, tossed it in fudge ice cream, and called it "Pig Pen."  These guys blow me away.  Of course, I get it, that's not for everyone.  Vegetarians, for starters... But as I'm drafting this before bed, I've no doubt that I'll have ice cream dreams tonight.  Though hopefully not as vivid as this kid's...  (Does anyone else find it weird that there are SO many links to other videos of kids in similar sleep-versus-treat dilemmas?  Though I admit at least two of our readers have access to a photo of a young reporter with his face in a bowl full of breakfast... And if either of those readers provide them, they will be included in a future report.)

As for the aforementioned vegetarians, perhaps you should have a word with this blogger.  These reviews of vegetables, while undeniably hilarious and mildly NSFW (in the event that your boss doesn't like F-Bombs emblazoned across your computer screen) suggest that the blogger eats nothing but meat and potatoes.  (See the "About" page for the exoneration of potatoes.)   If this veggie-hating blogger was a zoo animal, I bet we'd see this sort of behavior.  Except for the manatee one.  Manatees are all about the veg.  Sea cows.

If animals are going to come that close to me, I want them to be a little more docile.  Something smaller.  Something like... The animals that have come far too close to me for the past four years.  Aww, squirrels.  Love those guys.  So many of them hanging out in the snow!  So many of them with little snow flakes on their little noses!  And I'm loving the leg-lift on the kitten-kiss.

And with that, I leave you for the weekend; I'm off to New York!  But I'll spend a little of today in Yoknapatawpha County, celebrating the 60th anniversary of the publication of William Faulkner's Go Down, Moses, one of my personal favorites!

Starbugs, Hot Dogs, and Crossed Corgis

Keep the responses coming, especially when they are things like "You're too cute" (Thank you!) and "Are you famous?" (Not yet.)  Of course, topical replies are also great.  Very jealous of one reader's friend who is going to be in London for some of the Globe to Globe performances!  And maybe if you're lucky, a response will end up serving as a transition item to the next day's stories...

One reader continued the Moby Dick chain of thought established by the story of Iceberg (dead ahead!) the white whale, tying the story to Captain Ahab's first mate Starbuck, who was not named after the coffee chain.  (Rather, the chain was named after the sailor.)  Starbucks, too, has been in the news lately for a story related to both animals and unique coloring.  News broke recently that the famous supplier of caffeine addicts worldwide has been using some beetle-based food coloring to give its strawberry drinks that tasty pink tint.  Vegans are, of course, having a (completely unharmed, free-range, rights protected) cow.  (That was one of my favorite moments from the early reports.)  But the most interesting reaction I've seen yet has to be that of Daniel Stone, who suggests more consumers go the way of Starbucks and chow down on creepy crawlers.  Now, in my lifetime I've eaten a cricket, a packet of cheddar flavored little wormy things, and a worm in a tequila flavored lollipop.  But I'm curious:  How many of our readers have eaten bugs?

And Starbugs isn't the only piece of animal-eating news that's been in the spotlight lately.  President Obama is under fire for a passage in his book Dreams from My Father, in which he reflects on growing up in Indonesia, writing "I was introduced to dog meat (tough), snake meat (tougher), and roasted grasshopper (crunchy)."  Oh dear!  Given the choice between transporting Fido on the car roof or in the stomach, I think most people (and certainly most dogs) would choose to travel the Romney way.  But either way, we can all be thankful for the memes that have resulted.  So much visual wordplay with wiener dogs!   Reminds me of what I am told is one of the first jokes I ever told... "Why did the frankfurter jump in the pool?  Because he was a hot dog!"  Even from an early age, I recognized the power of the pun...

To close out today, more dogs.  Specifically, some long promised corgis.  More specifically, hybrid corgis.  Oh my.  I don't even know which one to choose... The dachshund is adorable, the beagle so perky, the chow regal (despite being the breed most likely to turn on its owner), the cockapoo precious, and as for the Australian Shepherd... I can't think of a word for the combination of stupid and cute that describes that face.  (Wordplay challenge!)  But, as anyone who has seen my recent canine Facebook post knows, my loyalties lie on the plaid couch next to that super-cute, sad-eyed, lovable German Shepherd.  But if anyone wants to persuade me otherwise, I'm all ears (not unlike the Jack Russell).

Enjoy the rest of Barbara Streisand's birthday!