For the Record Books

I had been sort of planning to continue March Madness tournament coverage this week, but after Friday's embarrassing rout of Georgetown, I'm gonna keep quiet on that topic for a while longer.

Instead, let's talk about adaptation.  Not the Charlie Kaufman film that features a rare good performance from Nicholas Cage.  (For more Nicholas Cage performances, try Nicholas Cage Roulette - "C'mon, Kick-Ass, c'mon Kick-Ass. Damn! Face-Off!")  The practice of adaptation, while often criticized as a sign of creative stagnation, is nothing new in the storytelling world.  Book to movie, comic book to movie, movie to novel based on the motion picture, book to musical to questionably cast movie musical, book to movie to video game, video game to cartoon series, comic book to cartoon series to video game to more modern video game... There is no shortage of examples for all of these, but there is a notable exception to the world of adaptation: The record-to-book or film divide really hasn't been crossed.

Sure, there's Fantasia and sequel, which provided beautiful depictions of classical compositions and an iconic Mickey image, but that's the only feature-length film example I can think of.  In terms of shorter pieces, there's Prokofiev's "Peter and the Wolf," originally released as song-and-book to teach kids the parts of the orchestra, and since adapted into films.  In that same spirit, pseudonymous author Lemony Snicket has created the song-and-book combination "The Composer Is Dead," which seems to be a more interesting and humorous teaching tool.

Luckily, the Internet is working hard to rectify this situation.  First, artist Christophe Gowans has developed a series of book covers interpreting whatfamous albums would have been had they been released as books.  If the covers alone weren't entertaining enough, he's written up small descriptions of what each book would be.  Highlights include the Queen murder mysteries, Beach Boys board book, and a classic aviation safety booklet.

In the other direction is the Coudal Partners produced "Booking Bands" project, combining famous books with famous bands.  The full list merits thorough giggle-filled examination, and stands out as a piece of collaborative wordplay genius.  But some of my favorites include "Abba Karenina," "Anne of Al Green Gables," "A Christmas Carol Channing," "Neutral Milk Hotel New Hampshire," "Fleetwood Macbeth," and "The Five Village People You Meet In Heaven."  (Should that last one happen in real life, you're probably actually in some sort of Hell.)  Bonus Points for anyone who can produce some sample lyrics from some of these bands...

And finally, on a more serious note: the 33 1/3 series is a series of books written about albums.  I've only read one of these books, in which The Mountain Goats' John Darnielle writes brilliantly on Black Sabbath's Master of Reality.  Still there are many on the list I hope to one day check out.  Particularly If You're Feeling Sinister, Tusk, and In the Aeroplane Over the Sea.

That's plenty for today... Tomorrow we'll talk jobs and share a few more coincidences.  

As Fleetwood Macbeth would say, "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow."

Art on Ice

As northeast heats up (a high of 70 in DC is hardly Januweather), the Report is cooling down with a few ice related pieces.

First up: ice cream, specifically ice cream trucks.  Photographer Luke Stephenson captured photos of these old ice cream trucks before they get scrapped for no longer meeting EU regulations.  Classic and a little bit creepy, these trucks embody a few fundamental elements of the ice cream truck.  First, the knock-off handpainted copyright infringing presentations of cartoon characters.  I spy Tom, Jerry, Goofy, Pluto, two Donalds, three Poohs, a Pinocchio, and a faded Snow White.  Then there's the ice cream cone strapped to the front, the flavors featured on the side of the truck, and at least one odd instance of the claim that these pre-wrapped popsicles and ice cream bars with bubblegum eyes are "Freshly Made For You."  Sorry, "Ice Man," I highly doubt you made that Two-Ball Screwball yourself.  (Also, that is the name of a treat we sell to children, and no one in marketing was like "Hold up, guys...")

Next up, I know some of our readers are excited at the return of hockey season.  Grantland has compiled a look at the most customized piece of hockey equipment: the goalie mask.  I pick Richard Bachman's Stephen King referencing Shining mask as my favorite, especially as it is cleverly named KSAM REDRUM.  Pekka Rinne's voodoo mask is pretty frightening, too.  And for its sheer simplicity of design, I second the writer's statement: "I just really likeBen Scrivens's Toronto Maple Leafs mask. That is all."

And as long as we're talking hockey, let me take another hack at your productivity today, and remind you that two weeks ago, Google put out this gem of an interactive Doodle, allowing readers to fulfill the universal dream of anyone who has ever attended a hockey game: to be the Zamboni driver.

The only thing we have to report is the Report itself.  And that it is the 131st anniversary of the birth of FDR.

Soda Pop-Culture

Strong support yesterday for the adorable story of Joshie, as well as for the scientific method of reporting on the Higgs Boson.  Higgs also inspired last night's (tragically non-winning) trivia team name: "Are You There, God Particle, It's Me, Margaret."  Because, y'know... The Higgs Boson wants to hear all about the Mag's Pre-Teen Problems.
 
Today we move from science to soda.  (Which, in the world of secret recipes and carbonation, is a type of science.)  John Nese shares his obsession with soda (or "pop" or "Coke" to those of you who are wrong/from other regions) in this thirteen minute interview.  Admittedly it's a bit long, but for those of you who work through it, you'll find some interesting trivia and rewarding comments.  Nese getting all worked up about energy drinks is good stuff, but what's really fun is watching his enthusiasm build as he explores his own shelves.  A kid in a candy store has seldom seemed a more appropriate parallel than here with this man in his soda shop.  As one of the few Moxie fans that I know, I was thrilled to learn that it is the only soda name found in the dictionary.  And coffee soda?! What-the-what?!
 
To pair with the refreshing bubbles of soda-pop, we've got a couple of video-game related items.  First, some video games that have been re-created as traditional Japanese art.  Not gonna lie, some of these games are dramatically improved by this art shift.  A Samurai Starfox would have been great, though I'm also a fan of the Wes Anderson take on that world of barrel-rolls.  Pokemon's apparent move to some seedy underbelly of the gambling world exposes the danger and corruption involved in what is essentially dog-fighting (just with more varied breeds).  And following Mario Kart: Double-Dash, I'm surprised Nintendo didn't try to tap transportation nostalgia and draft "Mario Kart: Rickshaw Racers."  Speaking of Mario, here's an excellent map detailing the Mario World of Nesteros.  An entertaining link for Game of Thrones fans, and one which has me searching for "Who-Plays-Who" parallels between the fantasy series and the games.  All I've got is a Peach-esque Daenerys searching all over for three Yoshis that she somehow managed to lose.

JAY! JAY! JAY!  It's Sophia Vergara's birthday and that's got me hungry... Hungry for more Hunger Gaaaaaaaames!

[One reader hoped this Report's title referred to Rob Lowe's classic performance as Sodapop Curtis in The Outsiders.  This led to my proposal of a new weekly report on Rob Lowe's activities, called "The Rob Lowedown."  I also proposed a cute toy / street gang mash-up of My Little Ponyboy.  Neither of these projects materialized.]

Noises Off

Before we start today's reporting, many thanks for the positive feedback on Monday's Oreo piece.  I feel encouraged to try more long form reflection on important issues in future reports, just as one reader felt compelled to bake some DIY Oreos.  My mother, meanwhile, brought to my attention another piece of timely Oreo news: The man who invented the modern Oreo filling that we know and love, Sam J. Porcello, died at the end of last month.  (No, he wasn't over 100.  The frosting gluing the cookies together got a new recipe during Porcello's 34 years at Nabisco.)

Today, though, we transition from food to sounds.  (A transition that would deeply upset my uncle, who I suspect is mildly misophonic.)  First, toss on some headphones and head over to the Museum of Endangered Sounds.  Brendan Chilcutt has constructed a living record of dying noises, from that iconic Nokia ringtone to the beeps of a hungry Tamagotchi.  Some, I think, are more endangered than others.  Pacman and Tetris, for example, have a great deal more longevity than ye olde printer and floppy disk.  (Added bonus: Fans of Gerbils can go exploring on the Museum's page to find some contemporary cuteness to jumpstart their day.)

While these sounds may spark nostalgia for some of our older readers and "What the hell noise is that?" from some of our younger readers, NPR reports on the science behind another type of sound: the scary noise.  The increasingly frantic cellos of Jaws; the slashing strings of Psycho; the low music that you wish that stupid bimbo could hear, because then she'd know not to open that door, not that she should need the music cue, what's she doing wandering around alone, anyway, everyone knows Ghostface is on the loose... All of these scores that scare are similar to... the sound of shrieking baby marmots?  Really?  An interesting observation, though, as the article notes, the use of nonlinear noises is something composers seem to have picked up on their own, without animal study.  Sorry to anyone hoping for video footage of John Williams wandering around the wilderness snatching up marmots.

And, finally, one more noise for the day, this one less dated or frightening.  Here are 32 Pictures That Will Make You Say 'Awwwww.'  And some inevitable commentary... Are pitbull puppy purses something sold in stores, or was that custom made?  That baby bear tree is amazing, but how did a dozen (by my count) baby bears get up there together?  Maybe the pandas of 17 helped them.  Can't decide if the otter kiss is cuter than the owl one.  And is the giraffe's long neck forcing perspective, or does that baby have a huge head?  And is that bear cub punching his teddy bear friend in the head?  Cutest of the bunch, though? My vote is for the puppy who is ready for his walk.  Though the fox pair is a close second.  Aww, indeed, bonus, possibly stoned puppy, aww indeed.

If you find yourself up on the rooftop doing some home improvement, try not to fall, even if you do so with style.  (That's right, it's Tim Allen's birthday!)

To Infinity, and Beyond!

Animation Nation: Pixar and Dreamworks

So sorry for the lack of a Monday Report, and for the delay in today's reporting.  I've been terribly busy tending to a wide variety of air traffic emergencies, as you can imagine.  But we should be returning to normal now.
 
One reader followed up on Friday's Report, even though much of that edition was culled from links he provided.  He suggests that the best view in Paris, and one that includes the Eiffel Tower, is actually found at the top of the Sacre-Coeur, a cathedral in northern Paris.  Having been there with my parents when I studied in London, I strongly agree, though our view that day was slightly clouded by fog and potential volcanic ash. 

I was excited this weekend to learn that Pixar was re-releasing four films in theaters for Memorial Day weekend.  And some fan favorites, too... Perhaps, as the linked article suggests, to remind us that the misguided Cars 2 is not at all par for the course for one of the most consistently critically and commercially successful film studios in film history.  (Indeed, as the one Pixar film that I did not see in theaters, I would rank it as a double-bogey at best.)  Certainly the tear-jerking opening montage of Up, the wonderful space sequences of Wall-E, and the Parisian settings of Ratatouille will restore any faith lost by the many fart jokes of Mater the tow truck.  And if those don't persuade viewers, surely the theatrical re-release of the third installment of the most critically successful film trilogy of all time will.  No lie, nerd that I am, I knew a lot of those things that they said I probably didn't know... Pixar films are full of great Easter Eggs, and this article is really only scratching the surface.

Much as I don't want to refer to it again, Cars 2 serves as a useful segue to another piece I've been hanging onto for a while.  In the absence of a good Pixar film last summer, Dreamworks snuck in and won me over with another installment of Kung-Fu Panda.  I've long had problems with Dreamworks animation and the generally mediocre quality work I think they put out... Too many pop-culture references and poop jokes and not enough story.  And as much as I love the first two things there (especially when they are combined!) I put storytelling above all else.  Sure every once in a while they pull through with something like Shrek (sequels get stale) and How To Train Your Dragon (holy flying-scenes, Batman!), and I do consider Ice Age to be a factor in my attending Georgetown... But overall, I'm not a huge fan.  Maybe the secret to the success of Kung-Fu Panda, though, is some source material its artists may have been drawing on.  No evidence to support this theory, but still, I mean... Look at the pictures!

That's all for today!  Walk around a dark hallway popping pills and running from ghosts; Pac-Man debuted in Japan 32 years ago!

Once Again, to Zelda

 I was thrilled to learn on Friday how many squirrel fans there are among our readership, and ice cream fans, as well.  (Also thrilled that no readers proposed a cross-over of squirrel ice cream.)  One reader provided a fantastic comic on Friday in response to Thursday's report on Maurice Sendak.  Seriously, thank you to all those who submit links and such.  I promise I'm trying to find ways to work them all in, but we have a sizable backlog that we're working with, too.

But today we're not digging into the backlog at all.  I spent this weekend traveling to New York and back to see the play "Gatz," an 8 hour marathon theater experience in which the entirety of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby is read/performed on stage.  The experience is so much more than that, but it is hard to describe in any other way.  The concept is this:  A man enters his office, finds that his computer is not working, and also finds a copy of the novel at his desk.  He begins to read aloud, and over the next 8 hours, his office is transformed, coworkers become characters, and previously unrealized layers of the novel become apparent.  For example, Nick Carraway is an absolutely hilarious and snarky narrator.  Bet you didn't realize that in 10th grade American Lit!

The Public Theater also put together some great promotional material for the piece, including a variety of (some recognizable) actors, writers, and more reading both the opening and famous closing of the novel.  (Note: None of those talents appear in the production.)  Though maybe they should have focused more on merchandising for marketing... I would wear a Gatz shirt, much like this t-shirt.  (It makes me sad because I've never seen such - such beautiful shirts before.)  What a classic cover.  Though the re-design presented for Penguin Essentials is pretty cool, too.

Not sure if this show should be called an adaptation of the work or not, since it's presented in its original entirety.  Not like the Robert Redford film.  Or the upcoming Baz Luhrmann film.  And this (tragically auto-tuned, but) fantastic rap adaptation.  But as far as adaptations go, there really is none as unique as The Great Gatsby video game originally released for NES.  An incredible piece of work, right down to the (fake) backstory.  And be sure to check out the merchandise section of their page... Hilarious.

That's all for today... More cute animals and such to come later in the week to make up for this literature (and video game!!) heavy post.  Funny, though, that a Report about great writing should fall on George Lucas's birthday... Given his failure to grasp fundamentals of storytelling and good dialogue writing and all...

Til to-morrow, we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning---

Thou Shalt Meet, Clearing the Cuteness Backlog, and www.alden.pond

I'm thrilled to be writing two days in a row, if only because it means that I'm not stuck "in another fucking mtg." following these Ten Commandments.  Seriously, though, so many completely pointless meetings this week... I've been all about Commandment 2, while meeting coordinators and presenters seem to be tending toward 4 more and more.  And there I am, stuck coffee-coveting and doodling, knowing that I could be back at my desk producing important aviation documentation.  (People must know to beware of the linen trousers!)

Or I could be back here, continuing to develop an overwhelming backlog of adorable animal photography.  You know what?  It's been a long week, let's unload some of this.  You all deserve it.  Yesterday's Wild Things, though cute in their own way, just can't compare to good old fashioned monkey-dog bonding.  While monkeys carrying dogs and monkeys using dogs for transportation make up the majority of the pictures, the monkey-dog hugs (especially 17) and the classic "Sir, no touching the dog, please" of number 7 are my favorites.  Maybe the monkey would have more luck protecting the dog from unwanted human contact if he created a force shield around him.  One of these animals can help.  And, when he has successfully mastered the techniques of the force, that monkey will have every right to feel just as proud as these animals.  Only, he should try not to show it.  Nothing's more douchey than an animal that's all like "Do you know who I am? I'm kind of a big deal..."  Well, except maybe a human that's all like "Do you know who I am? I'm kind of a big deal."

And one final item to get you through your Thursday:  Lately, the weather when I leave for work has been a bit rainy, but when I arrive at my office, it clears for the next nine hours, until it is time for me to head home, and the clouds and rains roll in again.  So I've frequently found myself thinking, "If only there was a way for me to enjoy the great outdoors from the comfort of my desk."  Well, the good people at the National Endowment for the Arts must have heard my cry, because they are providing funding for the development of a Walden video game.  And really, is there any text more deserving of a video game?  Just imagine playing out Chapter 12 of Henry David Thoreau's classic book: "You only need sit still long enough in some attractive spot in the woods that all its inhabitants may exhibit themselves to you by turns."  Just put the controller down and watch people and creatures pass by.  A video game is the most obvious way to live through Thoreau's most famous line: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."  Because hey, no pressure!  In the game environment, when you come to die, if you discover you had not lived, you don't need to worry about it; you've probably got four more lives anyway!  Depends how you did foraging for 1-Up mushrooms.

It's Mother's Day in Mexico!  Wish the madres in your life un día bueno!

Miss NH and Mario (Abridged)

I've returned from the wilds of New Hampshire in one piece and am back (however briefly today) at my normal reporting desk.  But what a whirlwind NH weekend it was!  Sarah, as those who follow the Mousseaus closely on Facebook or Twitter know, was second runner-up in the Miss NH pageant, and the winner of the pageant's two academic achievement awards.  So, for those wondering where the brains, beauty, and talent are in the Mousseau family, there's your answer.

Frequent readers of the Huffington Post, though, may now mentally lump Sarah in with this lovely lady.  Well, entertaining as the connection is, there's a significant gap not covered by HuffPo.  That woman is a former Miss New Hampshire USA, an entirely different pageant from what Sarah entered.  The battering beauty (not Sarah) was part of the Donald Trump sponsored Miss USA beauty pageant.  Sarah was a contestant in part of Miss America, a scholarship program that includes a talent portion that the Miss USA pageant lacks.  Though perhaps Ms. Houde would have fared well in talent, demonstrating her ultimate fighter skills.  Or maybe she should keep an eye out for a Hunger Games-esque pageant to enter in the future.

And speaking of games, here's another link from my weekend explorations of the internet:  Super-Condensed Mario!  Each level of the original NES Mario game, condensed onto one screen each.  Get the coins.  Get to the top of the flag.  Simple, but not always easy.  I'm about halfway through now, after sporadic play this weekend.  The traditionally annoying Hammer Bros are just as frustrating as ever.  I wonder if the creator will follow up with a condensed Lost Levels.  Anyway, thought a game link like this was appropriate for a Monday, as it would give bored readers something to do in the evenings this week.  And would serve as an excellent procrastination tool for student readers who don't want to start to study for exams just yet... Perhaps a contest?  Can anyone beat all the levels by the time the week is out?  And how about getting all the coins and the highest flag placements?

A final note, for those worried that this will be a long and difficult week:  On the way into work today, I passed a corgi.  Surely a sign of great things to come!  (I think I have adopted the dog as my spirit animal.)

Til tomorrow, enjoy Cloris Leachman's birthday!

Game On!

This was the first Morning Report, building on a series of emails to just a small group...

I figured if these morning e-mails to save me from boredom are going to be locked into my schedule for good, they're going to need a name.  So Morning Report headlines, it is!

First up: Another human interest story.  I know, I know, two in a row... And this one includes a 9 minute video, so sort of useless for workplace browsing.  But it really is an incredibly heartwarming story, once again about the power of the interwebs.  We should all go to LA and check out Caine's Arcade!

http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/04/caines-arcade.html

Hadn't yet thought to integrate the links...

And to make up for the fact that I did two people-stories in a row (Apparently the last story of the non-Report emails was a human-interest piece)... Here are a bunch of animals playing video games:

http://www.animal-space.net/2012/03/geeky-animals-playing-video-games-18.html

And as an added bonus, here's a story about a penguin biting Newt Gingrich:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2012/04/17/newt-bit-by-penguin.html

Now I'm off to watch the shuttle!

This was the day the Space Shuttle did it's flyover of DC! Ran out onto the office roof to check it out.