Hypothetical Thursday

Following on "How-To Tuesday" and "Wicked Busy Wednesday" (too busy to report, anyway), the madness of the seven days following Thanksgiving concludes today with "Hypothetical Thursday."  Today's report is going to entertain some questions you may have never considered before*, but are pretty neat and get you thinking... Both of these are long form articles, but we'll tamper with cuteness at the end once again.  (I wonder how many readers are now just like "Sweet, scroll down to the end and show me the puppies...")

First up, a really interesting user submission regarding Civil War.  (Seems appropriate in the talks following the film Lincoln and the talks of secession.)  But this hypothetical doesn't content itself with a North vs. South / Union vs. Confederacy match-up, and instead explores an all-out every state for itself dissolution of the Union.  The most interesting thing about this hypothetical is that it approaches the question not from a "Well, this would be what happens" perspective, instead presenting a faux-historical report from the future, not only by writing in the past tense, but also including quotes from primary sources.  (He does slip-up at least once, suggesting the piece was initially written as a more general hypothetical piece.)  It's quite a long read (even I admit to not having finished it yet), but it's really quite interesting and well done. Of course, as the people in the comments note, this may not be how things would go down.  Of course, I would argue a sudden state-centric political shift resulting in total 50-state dissolution probably isn't how things would go down either...

Meanwhile, on the science side, the brilliant writer of xkcd explores weekly hypotheticals in his longer writing pieces on the "What-If" page.  (The banner suggests a "What-if we fed a T-Rex to the Sarlacc with a crane," but I've yet to see that story.)  The latest issue addresses the cost of pennies, though not in the way you might think.  Some of my favorites include the Lightning edition, mostly for the comic addressing some of the stranger questions; the giant raindrop; and the mole of moles; but all of them are worth checking out.

And speaking of moles... They made this list of the Top 10 Cutest Creatures.  I challenge the inclusion of the manatee, love the happy puffer fish, and thrill at the inclusion of the wooly bear caterpillar.

Take the Deal!  It's Howie Mandel's birthday today.  (I always preferred Bobby's World.  Back when Howie had hair!)

A Giraffe and a Half-Life

I hope everyone survived the heatwave this weekend!  (But I do so with the selfish hope of keeping our readership up over fifty.)  Those of you wrapping up 4th of July vacations or celebrating birthdays (!!!), I hope you had a great time.  While I was not on vacation at the end of last week, the Report was due to some work busy-ness.  This leaves some reporting to be done on major events last week.

Specifically, the big ticket news item that everyone's talking about and no one really totally understands... The Higgs Boson!  I still don't totally get all the ramifications, though I think I'm in the good company of... Everyone.  I am pleased that one of the positive results was that CERN did not create a blackhole that destroyed us all.  Though as one item featured in this list of memes points out, our problems with the collider may be far from over, given the apparent employment of Half-Life's Gordon Freeman.  I love the joke circulating about the Higgs Boson walking into the church... Though I'm sure God has something to say about it.

A more relaxing and adorable story to pair with the hard science above, a stuffed giraffe went on a lovely vacation recently... And was left behind by his owner, leading to his own Toy Story-esque adventure.  But rather than rely on his own cunning to return to his owner, Joshie the Giraffe had help from Ritz Carlton, but not before his own extended vacation.  This has to be the most heartwarming story in recent Report history; it reminds me of the elementary-school days of having a class stuffed animal that came home with a student for the weekend for an adventure and an accompanying journal entry.  Thanks to Tamara for the tip-off on this great piece of customer service.

If you're going to sing happy birthday today, be sure to get someone to accompany you on a giant piano; It's Tom Hanks' birthday.  Someone get the man a volleyball...  So long as they also plan on getting tissues for everyone else.
Happy Argentinian Independence Day!