Thanks Be to St. Isidore of Seville

Look at that, with Halloween past and the Great Pumpkin returned to... wherever it is he goes (I like to picture a Holiday Inn with the Easter Bunny, Santa, and friends) the banner is back to normal.  Following all sorts of positive feedback about the banner editing fun, you can expect some special edition banners in the future.  Perhaps as early as next Tuesday...
Hope you all had a happy Halloween with more treats than tricks and whatnot.  I practiced what I spent a week preaching, giving out full size candy bars, watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, and closing off the night by reading The Fifty Year Sword.  But now the holiday is over and where are we now?  November!  Why, only just next month it will be December!  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
 
November 1, as you might remember from the history of Halloween links, is All Saints' Day.  Of course we're celebrating ALL Saints, but I want to give a particular report shout-out to St. Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet.  I'm assuming he was named thus for his effort in his lifetime to compile a summa of all universal knowledge.  Though perhaps he was secretly known for a vast collection of cat icons... What a strange concept, though, to be named patron saint of something he never got to use.  He's not the only strange saint out there, though... It' s a pity praying to Saint Polycarp of Smyrna wasn't an option on The Oregon Trail.
 
November also kicks off two big month-long events.  First, there's "No-Shave-November," which has (I believe recently) also become known as "Movember,"  though the latter is more specific to hair-growth above the upper lip.  Movember is actually a really awesome event raising money for prostate and testicular cancer initiatives through pledges.  I would certainly encourage anyone who doesn't need to maintain a sense of professionalism in their workplace to consider participating.  What've you got to lose?  And besides, it could set you off on the path to being a CHAMPION!  At the very least, let me know and I will tell the readership that some of you are participating.  And those that aren't can still share their favorite beards...
 
The other big event is a bit less passive in nature.  November is also recognized as National Novel Writing Month, or "NaNoWriMo" for clumsy/short.  Over the course of one month, participants work to draft a copy of a 50,000 word novel by meeting daily wordcount goals.  It is a bold endeavor, and one in which I will not be participating.  I do know that one (maybe two) current readers have participated in the past, though, and perhaps some of you are considering going for it this year.  If so, here are some helpful tips.  I'm particularly keen on the negative and positive reinforcement motivators in 2011's #24 and 2012's #20.  Those who don't plan on writing a novel (most of us, I'm sure) and even those who don't particularly care for reading novels (I encourage you to try one...) can certainly get behind the tip in 2011's #25.  I would certainly love to raise a glass with Chandler, Fitzgerald, or James Gould Cozzens right now... And I'd certainly try what Tennessee Williams is having at least once.  Now that I've boarded this train of thought... Five hours til Happy Hour!
 
Chew on a Popsicle today, it's Toni Collette's birthday!

Halloweek Day 5 - All Hallow's Report

It's here!  The day we've been waiting for all Halloweek!  The day we get to see what the Great Pumpkin brought the Report.  Gifts?!  Candy?!  Are we the most faithful pumpkin patch, or -- AUGH!  Wait!  That's not the Great Pumpkin!  We've been tricked!  We waited all week and all we got was a stupid beagle!  Drats!  Well, there's always next year...

For now, I'll try to make it up to you with a ton of Halloween links! Let's celebrate the day with some scary stories, music, and movies...

Stories 
While I hope by now all readers affected by Hurricane Sandy have had their power restored, those living by candlelight have the perfect atmosphere for reading a few scary stories.  You could choose to go the classic route, with a story by Poe.  I would recommend "The Tell-Tale Heart" or, my all-time favorite, "The Cask of Amontillado."  You could plunge into some 90s elementary school nostalgia and check out a copy of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, though just the illustrations are enough to give you nightmares for all of November.  For more modern, longer reads, I recommend checking out Mark Z. Danielewski's newest book, The Fifty Year Sword or, longer yet, the haunting and incredible House of Leaves.  Or for a free read, check out these free and classic downloads compiled by GalleyCat for Neil Gaiman's brilliant "All Hallow's Read."  But really, you can't go wrong with just making up some spooky stories of your own.  Just remember to start them off with "Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society..."

Music
 Sure, radio stations and department stores are already playing Christmas music.  But that doesn't mean we can't celebrate the Pumpkin Carols and haunting tunes of this holiday first.  Problem is... There aren't too many.  Sure we can do the Mash and Thriller.  And a few movie tunes work to remind us Who We Gonna Call, since This Is Halloween.  These lack something of the classic holiday feel that Christmas Carols have, even when sung by Bing Crosby.  (Who knew he had a Halloween song?!)  My favorite, though?  The modern 30 Rock classic, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah!
 
Movies 
What this holiday lacks in music it makes up for in movies.  You can get away with any horror movie and justify it, but I think there should be a bit more specificity.  It doesn't exactly make sense to justify watching a Friday the 13th film because it's Wednesday the 31st...  Any of the many Universal Monster movies are solid choices, and even offer some non-scary options for the 'fraidy cats out there.  If the monster connection isn't substantial enough for you, though, you can get Halloween-specific.  We've already called out Nightmare Before Christmas above, but what about other Disney classics like Halloweentown and Hocus Pocus.  For those looking for something a little more mature, I recommend Trick 'r Treat.  It's an excellent blend of horror and comedy (Trick AND Treat!) that has all the making of a tragically overlooked modern classic.

And that's a wrap for the Report's coverage of Halloweek.  Too bad we got tricked by that stupid beagle.  But keep the faith and maybe next year we'll prove worthy of a visit from the Great Pumpkin himself!

Tomorrow we'll return to classic reporting...  I've got a whole lot of great non-Halloween materials that we've missed over the past week.

Til then, Happy Haunting!

Halloweek - Great Pumpkin Special Report

Occasionally, my frequent suggestions that people respond to the report are answered.  Usually, these answers are consolidated into a quick paragraph at the start of the next day's report.  However, one response today was so heartfelt and of such a length that it deserves to be presented in full.  I asked the reader in question, who agreed to have this piece submitted to the readership.  It says so much about what I feel about Peanuts, the Great Pumpkin, and the wonders of tradition that create shared experiences and bridge age-gaps of all sizes... I could not cut or consolidate this reflection, nor could I keep it to myself:

I am a firm believer in traditions. They connect us, they root us to something deeper than ourselves, and they tie us together. They tell us that something is more important than the daily frenzy, because we are willing and obligated to put that frenzy aside to partake in tradition.

For me, The Great Pumpkin always makes me think of some long-ago Halloween. I must have been quite young, in kindergarten or first grade perhaps. After school, my brother and I would go to our grandmother's house, and Mom would pick us up in the evening. And I remember this one night, my brother was anxious to get home because It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown would be on TV. "We have to watch The Great Pumpkin! It's a tradition!"

Well, if I was about five or six, Eric had to be twelve or thirteen.  When you're thirteen, nothing is cool. When you're thirteen, there is nothing you want to do with your little sister. Finding an activity for a thirteen-year-old that is both cool and something you want to do with your little sister is like finding a unicorn, Big Foot, the Loch Ness monster, or a piece of candy in Charlie Brown's trick-or-treat bag.

But The Great Pumpkin was a tradition. My way-too-cool older brother--- too cool to even dress up for Halloween-- wanted to watch it with the whole family..Because it's something you do. Once a year. Every year.

That's what traditions do. They celebrate something old that's important to remember, while creating new meaning with each iteration. They also aren't necessarily literal. For me, The Great Pumpkin isn't about staring at a metal box watching rocks being tossed at a sad little boy. It's sitting on the living room floor with my brother, prematurely opening a bag of Halloween candy meant for trick-or-treaters without Eric throwing a single wrapper at me or eating all of the milk chocolate Hershey bars.

I guess that means I'm a firm believer in the Great Pumpkin as well.

 If you ever get lonely, Linus, I'll wait out there all night with you in the pumpkin patch.

Linus tells us that "Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere."  There is not a doubt in my mind that, lest the hurricane keep him at bay, the Great Pumpkin will be rising in this reader's pumpkin patch this year.

Halloweek Day 4 - Candy

No doubt this is the latest "Morning" Report transmission yet, but I promised you candy for Hallow's Eve Eve, and a promise is a promise.  But before we begin with the tooth-rot, I wanted to drop a quick thank you to all who responded to the reader-submission distributed yesterday.  I will be sending the submitter anonymous versions of this feedback, in a few cases connecting people who have never met and have no real connections save for this report.  How neat!

There are so many ways to address the topic of Halloween Candy.  There's the decision of what candy to purchase, the matter of distribution and trick or treater selection, the all-important post-treating trade, and the consumption itself.  Let's address them all in order.

Buyer Beware 
Let's start by getting something very important out of the way:  No apples.  And while we're at it, no raisins, either.  Unless you're Chris Traeger.  We're talking candy here, the bigger the better.  Seriously, if you're an adult with some space in your budget, go King Size.  Become Legend.  But if you're still not sure what to get, go for one of these top treats but avoid these ones.  And while Reese's holds the top spot, remember that peanut allergies are on the rise.  As a kid who trick-or-treated for years with a friend who had a major peanut allergy, I strongly encourage setting aside some peanut-free candies for any peanut-free kids who come to your door.  The worst thing that happens? You have left over candy.

Take One, Huh? 
So you bought your candy, but you're not gonna be there to hand it out.  (Just because you're dressed as the dead doesn't mean you are dead!  You have a social life.)  Obvious solution:  The classic "Please Take One" sign.  Just know that this method doesn't always work.  And when it doesn't, things could get out of hand...

Tricky Treats 
With the candy in the bowl by the door, let's switch perspectives to that of the costumed scavengers roaming the neighborhood.  No doubt you disguised nomads know what you're after.  (And, again, it's not apples.)  The Report has already addressed the risk of getting rocks.  But heed this sonnet well:  There could be worse things lurking in the plastic pumpkin heads, waiting to be dumped out onto the living room floor for the next portion of the evening.

Sack and Pumpkinhead 500: Trading Floor
 Perhaps the most important part of the Halloween celebration is the great trade.  No doubt some of your investments were made in haste, or the house next door was out of your candy of choice, or you've just got way too many Kit-Kats.  (Gimme a break, indeed!)  Don't worry, after the selections are made and the Sacks and Pumpkinheads are emptied, you've got the trading floor to solve this problem.  A classic case of take two Now and Later trade for better.  (Unless you actually got a Now and Later.  Good luck trading that away.)  If you think the stock trade parallel is too generous for the candy barter system, it's clear you haven't been on the trading floor in a long time.  It's serious business.  This informational video has a bit more fun with it, though does offer some good tips.  Oh, and if you got an apple... Seriously, just throw it out.  (And skip that house next year.)

TrEAT 
Not much advice to give here.  Go to town.  Seriously, pig out.  You've only got so many days to eat all this before people start saying, "Still eating Halloween candy," with arched eyebrows.  Better to get it all (into and) out of your system at once.  Just remember... There are a few wrong ways to eat a Reese's.

That's all I've got.  If you take only one thing out of this Report, please let it be this: NO APPLES.

Tomorrow we'll celebrate the day with some spooky tales and, more importantly, we'll see if the Great Pumpkin has brought us anything good as the final Halloweek Report banner is unveiled!

Til then, Happy Hallow's Eve Eve!

Halloweek Day 3 - Religion, Politics, and the Great Pumpkin

After a weekend away, it seems the rising pumpkin is is a great deal further along in his approach, undeterred by Hurricane Sandy.  Speaking of Sandy, I hope all my northeast readers are safe and dry.  (Humorously, I attended a screening of National Theatre Live's "The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time," a brilliant stage adaptation of Mark Haddon's novel, which included an enthusiastic moment of naming a dog "Sandy.")

Originally, on the schedule of Halloweek reporting, today had called for a general discussion of pumpkins.  Record-holders, chunkin, impressive jack o'lanterns, that sort of thing.  However, last week my dad alerted me to an interesting news item that I find requires some reshuffling of reports.  It also requires that I fail to heed the  advice of a great hero of mine.  That's right.  Against Linus van Pelt's advice that one avoid discussions of "religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin," it's time to talk Pumpkin.
 
For those of you unfamiliar with the Great Pumpkin, he is a holiday figure created by Charles M. Schulz in the comic strip Peanuts.  Every year, according to Linus, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that it deems the most sincere to bring presents to those who are there.  The character, though never seen in the comics, was introduced in 1959, but gained wider fame when Schulz and Bill Melendez followed-up the success of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" with the now-Halloween-classic, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."
 
Having long been a Peanuts fan, and Linus being my favorite character, it should come as no surprise that I am a huge fan of the special, I watch it every year.  However, not everyone likes it.  Some people, I learned last week, are fundamentally opposed to it.  My dad sent me a link last week to local news coverage of a man who believes this special, now nearly fifty years old, should be retired from the air.  His argument centers on the idea that the name-calling and blatant, unpunished bullying in the film is too much for today's young viewers.
 
Perhaps it is because I am not raising young viewers of my own, as that blogger is, but I believe his critique fails to appreciate certain nuances of the special and Peanuts in general.  Yes, Charlie Brown is called a "blockhead," and other names.  His round head is used as a template for designing a pumpkin carving.  Each anonymous adult famously gives him a rock as he trick or treats in his multi-holed ghost costume.  And the blogger is correct, none of these instances is ever "punished."  No one ends up in time-out, no one gets in trouble, nothing.  But the avoidance of explicit punishment is not the same as condoning this behavior!
 
The blogger calls Charlie Brown "the hero," but this paints him with too broad a brush.  Charlie Brown is the protagonist and, in all his insecurities, doubts, and shortcomings, the character that we, as people who often face the same things, are meant to identify with.  This means that when Charlie Brown gets a rock, or gets drawn on, or gets called blockhead, we chuckle, but we also empathize.  The knowledge that the bullying we see is wrong comes from putting ourselves in Charlie Brown's shoes; seeing the world from under his multi-holed ghost costume.  And maybe that's something that younger viewers aren't able to do, but that's why this nearly fifty year old program is celebrated as a family tradition.  Parents should watch it with their children, and, if they feel further discussion is necessary, talk to them about what's going on.  Though we may have similar anxieties, we don't live in Charlie Brown's world, so parents don't need to worry; kids will hear more than just "Waaah Waaah Waaah" when they talk.
 
I could go on to discuss the merits of the Job-like suffering of Linus that comes from his faith and devotion to the Great Pumpkin, or note that Snoopy escapes his imagined World War I experience unscathed, a great feature of the adventures of the imagination.  But that one sentence nod is all I'll give as a note to the multiple levels of appreciation this special brings.  It is a true family special, one that can be enjoyed and discussed by all ages.  And that has always been the appeal of the Peanuts world.  In a universe populated entirely by children, the issues faced, conclusions reached, and jokes made are often applicable to adults, too.
 
I'd be curious to hear what readers think of this.  Am I simply defending something I love and turning a blind eye to its problems?  Do you agree with me, or do you think that it's time for the Peanuts gang to retire?  Do you believe in the Great Pumpkin?  Will you be watching the special on Halloween at 8:00 on ABC?

Tomorrow, on All Hallow's Eve Eve, assuming I don't lose power, we'll discuss what nearly every elementary schooler in the nation would agree is the best part of the holiday: Taking candy from strangers.

Halloweek Day 2 - Costumeization

It looks like the Great Pumpkin is on his way!  He appears to be peeking up out of the patch today.  Could the Morning Report be the most faithful Pumpkin Patch???
Maybe he's looking to get a glimpse of all those adorable costumed animals that certainly provoked a lot of reader response yesterday.  The moose-dog and the geese were crowd favorites,  while one reader questioned the time it took to develop the revised banner.  Perhaps the Great Pumpkin will tell us if he rises...  Finally, yet another reader provided some pictures of a dog that sets the bar in the costumed canine world.  Trotter the French Bulldog brings a certain flair for sophistication to the outfits he is put in by food photographer Sonya Yu.  The samples on Colossal are great, but Yu's Instagram page has even more Trotter outfits scattered among her food photos.

So now you have ideas on how to dress your pets.  BUT: What if you don't have pets?  What then?  Today's Report is all about ideas for how to settle on the perfect costume for your Halloween.  To do this, we're going to break things down into four basic categories: Scary, Sexy, Pop-Culture, and Lazy.  Sure, there are others.  (The glut of over-priced mask and suit/dress costumes to turn four-year-olds into little superheroes and Disney princesses come to mind.)  But really, as far as the DIY costume is concerned, those are the basics.

SCARY:  I'm gonna go ahead and say avoid this.  Seriously.  I hate being scared by people.  I choose not to go on haunted hay rides and into haunted houses/prisons/woods for this reason.  Just this past weekend one of our readers and I were were up in New Hampshire and heard a woman discussing a haunted house where you could sign a waiver and the people inside you could "touch you and do whatever they wanted and stuff."  She said this with excitement in her voice.  This sounds AWFUL.  And I know that this won't happen by default of people in public dressing up as scary, but seriously, there are kids out there on Halloween.  Nobody wants to have to cross the street with a crying baby to stay away from the scary bleeding clown man.  Of course, there are some costumes that are not inherently scary, but make for terrifying things once they've aged a bit.

SEXY:  So if you're not gonna be scary, perhaps your Mean Girls mind leaped to the only other alternative offered in the film.  Toss on a pair of ears, some lingerie, and now you're a sexy [fill in the blank].  The sexy costume route used to be mildly acceptable.  I mean this "used to" in two senses.  First, the "sexy" costumes of the 1920s and 1930s are pretty tolerable.  ("Damn, man, did you see that chick's ankle?!")  But things evolved to become literally NSFW.  Therein lies the second "used to."  The sexy [noun] worked in college.  Hell, you could even get away with it in high school.  (Though, just as the presence of kids in the world means adults shouldn't dress scary, the presence of adults in the world means that kids shouldn't dress sexy.)  But now, those of us in the working world have a choice to make: We can become workplace legends by sexing it up at the office Halloween party OR we can keep our jobs.  I'm going with the latter.

POP-CULTURE:  In my mind, the winningest costume is something rooted in popular culture.  For people who recognize you, they'll think you're really freaking awesome.  And for people who don't know who you are, well, there's your opportunity to evangelize for one of your favorite movies/TV shows/books.  Either way, you're a walking conversation starter.  Given the Report's age distribution, most of the readership will find some ideas for awesome costumes rooted in childhood here.  Don't like that, then do something more contemporary.  (Can't go wrong by grabbing a pair of cutoffs and blueing yourself.  If you don't have blue paint, diamond dust will do in a pinch.)  The creative genius of Pixar is also a great place to find inspiration.  But no matter what you do, you're not going to beat little Carl Fredricksen, here.

LAZY:  "But Evan, I don't have time to do any of that!"  Fine.  Thing is, you don't really have to.  There are plenty of great costumes waiting for you in the detritus of your closet.  That bowling shirt you won at trivia?  Thrift store cowboy hat?  Tie-dye anything?  Yeah, you've got costumes galore.  (Not sure what wearing all three of those together would make you...)  Don't believe me?  Check out this slideshow for some lazy ideas.  (Sure they're for kids, but don't even pretend like you don't have some of those things at home.)

Or, you could reach the pinnacle of laziness and find a sheet and a pair of scissors.  Are those people boo-ing your laziness, or are they joining in with your haunting holiday spirit?

Just remember to be careful with the scissors, or you might end up with a rock.

Halloweek Day 1 - History and Hounds

After yet another little vacation (up to Boston to see The Mountain Goats, then NH to see the premiere of my new play, "To the Moon"), we're back and ready for some Halloween fun.  We're a week out from that favorite holiday of hooligans and candy companies, so I thought it would be appropriate to spend a few days of reporting covering the topics near and dear to the holiday.  And what's that in the banner?  Could it be?  The Great Pumpkin, rising out of the Pumpkin Patch?!  Stay tuned as we creep closer to Halloween and see what happens!
 
Before we get into costumes and candy and spooky stories, it's important we know what exactly it is we're dealing with here.  What is Halloween?  Where did it come from?  Lucky for us, the History Channel has put together a nice, dry history of the day (the videos are a bit more fun), tracing it back to the Celtic festival of Samhain.  If your mental cogs are working like mine this morning, you'll put the pieces together and know it's no coincidence that this holiday so associated with the color orange started off in Ireland... Gingers.  No wonder it's so scary.
 
But if the history of how Samhain became All Hallow's Eve became Trick or Treat is a bit too boring for you, check out this infographic.  Where do you fit in to these stats?  I know I'm not producing any pumpkins this year.  (Though I did know pumpkins are gourds.  But more on gourds later...)  I have contributed to the 35 million pounds of candy corn sold, and I used to be in the 30% of candy organizers back when I was among the 35 million in that prime Trick or Treating age.  I plan on being one of the 120 million dressing up, though I won't be doing it on the day itself (does that still count) and I will definitely be part of the 72% giving out candy.  As for the 24 pounds of candy I'm supposed to have eaten in the past year as an average American... No comment.
 
Now, what about these 11.5% of Americans who dress their pets for Halloween?  Of all the statistics presented in that graphic, that's the one I want evidence on.  Luckily, the Internet provides.  I'm assuming dogs are the most commonly dressed animal, and certainly the most frequently seen in costume.  Some place called Tompkins Square even has a parade for costumed pups.  I love the dog lobster, and I bet that dog, along with all the others whose costumes involved being carried or carted about, enjoyed himself the most.  Hipster dog and banana dog look like they have a tough time seeing, while Woof With the Wind and Evita (in the comments) probably qualify as mild animal abuse.  Favorite, though?  The moose dog.  Obviously.  But dogs aren't the only ones having fun.  Rats, cats, hedgehogs, and even a camel get in on the action.  (Sorry to report there is a lack of costumed fish.)  The cat in number 9 suggests why cats don't get dressed up much, while dogs continue to dominate the costume competition.  Though horse dog is terrifying, the dog dressed as Fluffy is one of the best costumes I've ever seen on human or animal.
 
And speaking of human costumes... We'll cover that in tomorrow's report.

But first a costume idea from this day in history:  Just wear a barrel and say you're going as Annie Edson Taylor.  She hopped in a barrel 111 years ago today and became the first to survive the trip over Niagara Falls in one.
 
Seven days until the Great Pumpkin!