How-To Tuesday

After Thanksgiving feasting the Report took a few days off, but after Black Friday and Cyber Monday we're back for... Ruby Tuesday?  No, here at the Report we're holding How-To Tuesday, in which we clear out a pair of items that have been backlogged in the Report item archives for some time now.

First up, a compilation piece from the New York Times released several years ago called "How to Be Funny."  Not only are these pieces written by modern legends of the comedy world, they're compiled by the brilliantly funny John Hodgman, whose humbling work was featured in the September 11 Morning Report.  My two favorite pieces here fall comfortably in the middle: Garrison Keillor's "How to Write Your First Hollywood Comedy" and Paul Rudd's (appropriately titled) "How to Be Funny When You Are Incredibly Good Looking."  I'm wondering if part of the enjoyment I get from both of those pieces comes from the fact that I read them in their writers' inimitable voices.

Also offered from the backlogs, an article written for Esquire about how to compliment.  Tom Chiarella's "The Perfect Compliment" is more anecdotal essay than guide, but the how-to comes in Chiarella's experiences.  The trial and error of his quick, observational compliments in the first section highlight some major flaws in strategy.  A quick line seems spooky, insincere, or a thinly veiled insult.  As he notes, " A true compliment is a complex expression of unrequired appreciation — how could three words do the job?"  But don't force it:  "Finding the perfect compliment isn't a riddle at all. It's not as though there's one for every person at every time. It's a matter of finding the right moment rather than insisting on one."  Still, the art of the compliment is better observed through Chiarella's stories than boiled down to talking points.  Report Challenge: Compliment a stranger today and let me know how it goes!

Finally, because it's been a while since we've had some animals in the Report, here are some dogs going down slides.

It's not Thanksgiving, but we can still celebrate a Thanksgiving Anniversary!  On November 27 in 1924, the first Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was held!

A Gourd for All Seasons

A special late night "Morning" Report today from New Hampshire today after a day of travel.  Normally, I'd let things slide and go on vacation as you've seen me do in the past.  But as I was flying home today I realized there was one crucial link for this holiday season that I'd failed to distribute, so a late night report was called for.  An advance warning, things below and across the link are going to get a bit vulgar.
 
Here on Thanksgiving Eve, we're about to enter a day of seasonal transition.  After tomorrow, Fall decor is out of style.  Gone are the autumn leaves, the mini-pumpkins, the oranges, the browns, the yellows.  Snowmen come out of storage, Santas are up on shelves, giant lawn snowglobes get inflated.  Now, tis the season.  But what many people fail to realize is that 'tis been the season all along.  Just... A different season.
 
In the month of November, with the Jack O'Lanterns and witches gone, a few pieces of Halloween are allowed to remain as a new season begins.  That's right... The link a few of you have been waiting for this whole time... Its Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.  I know, I'm late on this classic, but a promise is a promise, and it had to be distributed before the season passed.  Of course, Colin Nissan's sign-off is a bit out of season now, as we can no longer say "Welcome to autumn," no matter what expletive we put after it.  Still, if you like Nissan's sentiment, his immortal words are available on a mug!
 
Today's a great day to follow in your father's footsteps.  Not only was Ken Griffey, Jr. born today, but so was Christopher Tolkien.