First Downs and First Dogs

I hope you all had pleasant weekends and were able to gather with friends and food for the Puppy Bowl and the Beyonce Concert with special guest, Football.  I'll admit to only really knowing the team preference of one of our readers in this game, but his dedication to his team had me rooting for them from home... So I was sad to see the 49ers fall under the Unkindness of Ravens.  (Seriously, that is what a group of ravens is called.  Look it up.)  The game certainly wasn't without its twists and turns.  Viewers at my home argued that the blackout came as a result of Jim Harbaugh resorting to the strategy he has when he's losing against his brother in Madden: Pull the plug.  But for the sake of that one reader, I won't dwell on the football game here.

Instead, let's turn to the Puppy Bowl.  Remember how I had my money on Eli?  Well, scoring one touch down, Eli was one of the final contenders considered for the title of MVP(uppy).  He ultimately lost out to the love mi hermano, Marta.  While Marta's bold play in the face of puppies twice her size (has anyone tested for steroids) certainly helped seal her victory, it couldn't have helped Eli's case that in the entire two hour broadcast he was the only puppy to poop on the field... I sure know how to pick 'em.

In other dog news, we turn today to the sad passing of Barney Bush, First Dog during the presidency of George W. Bush.  Barney, a Scottish Terrier, passed away last Friday at age 12.  While sad, this news also opens the question of why a Scottish dog held such a prominent American office.  And this trend has only continued into the Obama administration, with the title passing to Bo, a Portuguese Water Dog.  Perhaps it was part of an effort to assure Americans of his loyalties that Bo Obama received visiting Dognitaries from Furuguay at the end of January.  Glad to see the First Dog keeping a close eye on the Tailiban presence in Arfghanistan.  Fighting terrierism is important to all nations, and certainly earns Bo the honor of Good Boy!

Live your life "as a model for others."  It's the 100th anniversary of Rosa Parks' birth.

Ugly Birds and Unexplainable Dogs

Our readership continues to widen! How exciting! We may have to start including ads soon in order to cover the high cost of putting this out.


We hit a readership of six on day two.


Today's distribution is a return to form, leaving the human interests aside for a bit to cover what we all really care about: Cute animals doing silly things. 


I still believe this is why the Internet exists.  Later in the Report, readership opinions will divide over the desirability of cute animal content.

Let's ease into it, though, with an animal that is slightly less than cute and a story that, were it to involve humans, would find a home next to Monday's GoogleMaps story.  Poor Nelson the abandoned bird... Just because something's ugly doesn't mean you can abandon it, Mama bird and Papa bird!  If that was a common human practice, I would have grown up an only child!  (Related: Everyone welcome Sarah [my sister] as one of our newest readers!)  But it's not all bad news for Nelson, since it looks like he grows up to be quite a stud.  No doubt he'll soon be taking the crown at Mr. Parrot Pageants!  He's already practiced checking himself out in front of the mirror in anticipation.


In a similar blend of ugly and cute, following up on last week's much talked about unexplainable cats, we have their unexplainable canine companions.  Thankfully this is less terrifying than those unexplainable cats... But that really only speaks to how totally creepy those cats were.


Some commentary, I suppose:

#19. So cute. So tiny.

#32. What is going on he- OHMYGODNO WHAT IS #33?!?!

#36 looks so cozy.  But still quite pugly.  That is to say, something so ugly that it's freaking adorable.  (This is one of the earliest pieces of wordplay I ever had.  Sarah can back me up on that one.)

#46 is so effing cute.  I want one for the apartment.

And, of course, I hope #50 gets vacuumed before getting back inside...

Corgis will become a regular feature of the Report.

That's all for today!  Hope long-time followers appreciate the increased commentary and professional appearance of this new distribution format!  Remember, "longtime followers" refers to those receiving less formal emails.  And look how proud I was of remembering to use one tiny button on Gmail.  Small miracles.  Tune in tomorrow for some more interesting animals, including one from Seacoast New Hampshire!  (No, not Archer...)

This will not be the last time that I promise a certain type of content and then fail to deliver.